Tuesday, September 04, 2007

The "Non-Divorce" Divorce

This past week, typically mindless commentary during a popular morning talk show caught my attention . . .The host claimed there is a new phenomenon in which a married couple remains together, in almost every sense of the word, despite the fact that both desire a divorce. He referred to it as the “non-divorce” divorce.

This past week, typically mindless commentary during a popular morning talk show caught my attention. All of a sudden amidst my morning routine, I heard words and phrases like "solution" and "cost-effective" and "best interests of the children" and… "divorce." The host claimed there is a new phenomenon in which a married couple remains together, in almost every sense of the word, despite the fact that both desire a divorce. He referred to it as the "non-divorce" divorce. Supposedly, this trend is gaining popularity as the solution to a failed marriage.

The "non-divorce" divorce is a mutual verbal agreement between two married individuals who want to keep their marriage in tact, but fully accept that the relationship is over. The goal is to feel divorced while continuing to live together and not get a divorce. In other words, the couple does not want to go through the divorce process, but they don't want to reconcile either. They don't want to hire attorneys, file papers, argue over custody or support, lessen the time their children see either of them, or lose one-half of their financial assets. So, they decide to remain as if they are married. They live in the same family home as roommates, participate in their children's lives as they had before they wanted a divorce, and maintain/preserve the marital estate.

Of course, most couples who attempt the "non-divorce" divorce are those who have children and/or those that have been married a considerable period of time and do not feel it is beneficial to disrupt the community on an emotional or financial level. Or at least they feel that the costs of a divorce clearly overshadow the costs of remaining together-even when there is no love left.

I cannot speak to the negative psychological effects that could result from this "solution." However, I can certainly speak to the negative legal effects and problems that could arise.

First, if you never decide to separate in family law terms (that is, one party making a conscious decision that the marriage is irrevocably over and communicating the intention to end the marriage), there is never a date of separation. The "date of separation" is important in family law because it marks the end of the community. From that date there is no longer a collection of community assets or community debts-instead, a spouse's separate property and debts begin to accumulate, as they did before marriage. Your spouse will continue to be entitled to one-half of all of your property and you will be liable for one-half of your spouse's debt. Therefore, if you are both managing your finances separately without full disclosure and mutual agreement, you could be adversely affected. What's more, your spouse will continue to be entitled to all benefits they were when you were happily married, including possible rights to the family home, life insurance, devises/gifts from a will or trust, and health insurance, to name a few.

The determination of a long term marriage (which can yield indefinite spousal support) is also associated with the date of separation. For example, if your marriage is eight years in duration, and you attempt a non-divorce for 3 years, followed by a real dissolution, the court's characterization of the marriage as long term will probably be contested and require substantial litigation.

Living as financially independent roommates could also present a problem with expenses. Unless you agree to distribute both of your respective incomes in a way that benefits the community, one spouse may not have enough to support his or her lifestyle. Regardless, if you are still residing in the family home with your spouse, the courts will not grant any spousal or child support. Since you have avoided going to the courts entirely, a support award is virtually impossible anyway.)

In the same way, no child custody or visitation orders will ever be established. This means that after attempting the "non-divorce" divorce for a year or so, and after resorting to the real thing, a parent may have a hard time making a case that he or she should be the primary custodian. This is because even if one parent is the primary caregiver during the non-divorce, this fact will be hard to establish if both parents were living in the same home all the while.

For the aforementioned reasons, the non-divorce presents significant legal problems. Spouses who try this "solution" cannot be guaranteed that one spouse will not attempt to obtain a legal divorce down the road. If this occurs, a spouse will not be afforded some of the protections that a traditional divorce provides. In order to ensure that you make an educated decision, you should speak to an attorney who specializes in family law matters. He or she can point you to two potential solutions-a post-nuptial agreement or a legal separation. Both options will cost some amount of fees and time in mundane paperwork, but will allow you to live whatever lifestyle you want with protection and peace of mind.

About the Author:
Kayla Boucher, c/o Law Offices of Donald P. Schweitzer, 201 South Lake Avenue, Suite 700, Pasadena, California, 91101, 626-683-8113 http://www.PasadenaLawOffice.com
Article Submitted On: March 19, 2007
Article Source: ArticlesFactory.com

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Child Custody and Bellevue Family Law

Almost every parent facing divorce considers child custody as the most important issue. Many troubling questions arise: with whom will the children live, how much will they visit with the other parent, and if I am not the residential parent do I lose my parental rights? Bellevue family law cases, governed by Washington State family law, apply a standard of “best interests of the child” to determine custody. Absent a showing that one parent is unfit; the residential schedule for the children after divorce will be what is in the children’s best interest. While this standard sounds vague, keep in mind that since families are each unique, the law has to be flexible enough to be effective. Bellevue family law attorneys specialize in litigating the meaning of this very important standard.

Another thing to keep in mind is that generally the most effective parenting plans are those in which the parties agree to the terms themselves. By effective I mean here that the parties abide by it and it works little hardship on the children so that they are able to thrive. Bellevue Family Law lawyers work hard to understand the special circumstances of their client’s case in order to facilitate agreements. While it may seem difficult if not impossible to openly negotiate with someone you have decided to divorce, the best interests of your children may be at stake. In any event, Bellevue family law requires, by King County family law rule, that the parties attempt mediation of all divorce cases. This shows just how much weight the courts give to the mediation process.

The Bellevue Family Law attorneys at McKinley Irvin are all in favor of negotiation. Child custody cases are emotional and personally detailed matters, and communication between the parties in the dispute is always positive. However, not all Bellevue family law attorneys work this way. Some custody disputes become hotly litigated, and when this happens, we have the experience and resources to litigate with the best of them. Whether your Bellevue family law case involves child custody, spousal maintenance, property division, or child support, the Bellevue Family Law lawyers at McKinley Irvin are highly experienced and effective. We approach all our cases with the intensity and respect family law clients deserve, and we encourage a communicative approach when possible.

About the Author:
Susant Kumar
The author is a Bellevue Family Law student. Please visit mckinleyirvin.com for more details.
Article Source: Articles4Free.com

Sunday, August 26, 2007

How to Get a Divorce in Utah

A judge grants a divorce after your divorce form is submitted to the court, and all required appearances before the judge are completed. In uncontested divorce cases often times you do not even have to physically appear in front of court to get a divorce.

In Utah you may file the forms yourself, or obtain a lawyer's assistance. You could also seek help from Utah's "Online Court Assistance Program" if you and your spouse have less than six children, and you and your spouse's combined income has to be under $10,100 per month. FAQWhat is an annulment? When the court declares an annulment, it’s declaring that the couple was never married because the marriage is void under Utah law, or the marriage resulted in fraud. Utah law does not recognize marriages involving incest, where one spouse has a previous undivorced spouse, and where the person performing your ceremony is unauthorized to do so. Generally courts refuse to annul a marriage if children were born during the marriage.

What is legal separation? Legal separation is when the parties live separately, but remains legally married to one another, it’s not a divorce. The couples rights and legal duties to one another are defined in a "Decree of Legal Separation". A Decree of Legal Separation covers matters such as spousal support, child support, division of property and payment of debts.

Can the same lawyer represent both my spouse and me? No. This is because there is almost always conflict of interest between spouses, which prevents the attorney from properly representing both sides.

How is property divided? Regardless of the income source, Utah laws recognize that both spouses contributed to any property acquired during the time married. Utah requires an "equitable" division of property but not necessarily equal. The division or property usually uses these factors; how long the marriage lasted, the age and health of all parties, their occupations, the amounts and sources of income, and also related issues/matters. It doesn't matter whose name is on the house, the car, or even boat the courts have the power to divide all property owned by either or both spouses. The judge will consider if the parties divided their property by agreement, and he’ll review it to decide if it’s fair. Just remember the property division cannot be reopened after its final, except under very rare, limited circumstances.

About the Author:
David Fagan
This article was brought to you by Legal Forms Bank .Biz which provides Legal Forms Online specific to your state. Download your state's Uncontested Divorce Form with instructions which make it simple to do your own Uncontested Divorce.
Submitted: April 6, 2007
Article Source: ArticlesFactory.com

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

Child Custody Agreement and Taxes

A child custody agreement can have serious implications on your tax filing and your taxes overall. This issue should be addressed with your attorney or with your accountant while you are going through the process of negotiating or litigating child custody or a divorce agreement. Waiting until after you have finalized a child custody agreement to investigate the tax impact is not adviseable.

State law on child custody does not dictate who gets the tax deductions. If your child custody agreement is entirely silent on this issue, the parent with primary residential or sole custody will have all of the tax benefits available through the children. That party will be able to claim the children as deductions, and so forth. This can be a significant issue. There are parents who simply assume that if they are paying thousands of dollars per year in support, they will be able to take the children as deductions. Not so. This is incredibly important when you consider that all child support payments are not tax deductible to the payor and they are not taxable to the recipient parent.

Thus, when negotiating your child cusody agreement, you must address the issue of how custody will be structured and who will recieve the tax benefits. This negotiation should be a part of an overall financial scheme that encompasses a consideration of all issues, including child custody, child support, property, alimony, and tax impact.

The ability to claim head of household instead of married filing separate or even filing single can be incredibly important to your overall tax scheme. You can claim head of household if you have your children for more than 50% of the time. Thus, a head of household tax filing should be a part of the overall negiating outline in a divorce or separation situation. A child custody agreement that is silent on this issue is really not a well negotiated or written agreement.

Your child custody agreement can address this issue in a number of ways. If your child custody agreement provides for joint shared custody, it must state who has the children for 50% of the time. If you have two children, you can divide that up so that each parent has the possibility of fiing for head of household. If you simply have joint custody and one parent has residential custody, you can still provide a head of household deduction to the other parent by wording the agreement in a way that allows for that filing.

There are other tax benefits available to parents that have to be considered when negotiating a child custody agreement. Many or most of those tax benefits are variable depending upon your income level ad whether or not you can claim the child or children as deductions. If you are really thinking through your child custody agreement, you will negotiate all of these benefits. The objective should be to maximize all available benefits for both parties, thereby providing an overall highly advantageous tax impact for your child custody agreement.

About the author:
Jean Mahserjian is an attorney and the author of numerous websites and books devoted to helping consumers through the process of divorce. To download free excerpts from her divorce and custody books, visit: http://www.millenniumdivorce.com
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Saturday, August 18, 2007

Child Custody vs. Parental Rights under Seattle Family Law

Under Seattle family law—Washington State family law—there is a distinction between custody rights to children and a parent’s fundamental right to parent her children. To illustrate, in some cases a parent has no custody or visitation rights to a child, although his parental rights have not been terminated. Under these circumstances, custodial or visitation rights can be obtained, depending upon the circumstances. To use another illustration from Seattle family law, a child’s biological father may not be known or held out as such, but he may be able to block someone else from adopting that child because his parental rights have not been terminated.

Seattle family law in this area is quite complex and much depends on the facts of each case. However, consider these policies that courts try to accomplish. First, courts generally make custody determinations based on what is in the best interests of the child. Second, it is generally in a child’s best interest to maintain a stable and consistent home environment. Third, a fit parent presumably has his or her child’s best interest in mind. While these generalizations are nowhere near a summary of Seattle family law custody factors, they can give a sense of what the law tries to accomplish.

If you are or think you are the father of a child for whom you do not have custody rights, contact a Seattle family law attorney at McKinley Irvin for some advice on your parental rights. Our lawyers also help in terminating the parental rights of an absent parent in order to allow adoption, and are highly experienced in all areas of Seattle family law litigation.

About the Author:
Susant Kumar
The author is a Seattle family law student. Please visit mckinleyirvin.com for more details.
Article Source: Articles4Free.com

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Divorce Rates

Regularly in the media you hear news about divorce rates, along with the most common items that contribute to divorce. But what is the actual truth. Are the divorce rates increasing or decreasing, and what are the most common factors contributing to divorce?

Many people believe that divorce rates are not as high as that communicated by the media. In fact, some professors believe that since around 1980, the divorce rate has in fact stabilized. However this is difficult to prove as since 1996, accurate statistical data stopped being collected. In fact most of the information and statistics about divorce rates now comes from polls rather than accurate data.

As the information comes from polls rather than accurate statistical data, it is somewhat hard to say for sure whether divorce rates are rising or declining. But it is believed that the rates are now declining. Which has to be good news for U.S. citizens since we regularly feature in the top 10 worldwide countries listing of high divorce rates.

So I guess the next question has to be why the U.S. has continually such high divorce rates. Well, nothing is sure. But there are some main contributory factors that have been identified.

When women’s wages began to increase some years ago and more women started going out to work rather than staying at home looking after the children, their spouse began to feel threatened. For those who couldn’t cope with this new situation, their marriages resulted in divorce, and this continues to be a key factor today.

Religion also plays a strong role in divorce. When one party in the marriage develops strong religious beliefs that either contradict with the other party or become too overbearing to cope with, divorce results.

Changes in the divorce laws have also helped to increase the divorce rates. It used to be that getting divorced had a stigma attached and most people would prefer either to separate without going through divorce proceedings, or try and remain together to avoid loss of face. However with the introduction of no-fault divorces combined with a drop in the stigma attached with getting a divorce, the divorce rates began rising.

Another key contributory factor to the high divorce rates in the U.S and other Western countries is longevity. Due to the advances of medicine and science we are all living longer, which results in a longer marriage relationship, thereby increasing the chance of divorce.

As a whole, there are many contributory factors to the high divorce rates. Having said that, if it now appears that divorce rates are decreasing, that has to be good news and means that we are doing something better in our society today than previously.

About the Author:
Krishan Bakhru
Free Ebooks Resell Right Ebooks and Heartburn
Submitted: April 27, 2007
Article Source: ArticlesFactory.com

Saturday, August 11, 2007

The Main Reasons a Prenuptial Agreement May Not be Valid

1. Unconscionability. It's true that you can agree to give up your right to inherit from your spouse, which you would otherwise be entitled to do upon your spouse's death, even if he or she left you out of a will. You can sign away your right to spousal support if you should end up in divorce court, even if your spouse makes ten times as much money as you do.

You can even agree that your spouse gets all of the money and you get all of the bills, if that is what you want to do. But if the agreement is so grossly unfair that one party gets everything and the other gets nothing, the court probably will not enforce it. Unconscionable Contracts which only a fool would sign, are generally found invalid; and prenuptial agreements are no exception.

2. No Independent Counsel. Because their separate interests are at stake, both parties to a prenuptial contract should, and in some states must, be represented by their own attorneys or the agreement will not be enforced.

3. Incomplete Information. Holding out on pertinent information is as bad as providing false information, and it makes the agreement useless.

4. False Information. A prenuptial agreement is valid only if signed after both parties have honestly disclosed their income, assets, and liabilities. If someone was lying, the agreement is invalid.

5. Provisions Not Legal, Although a prenuptial agreement can cover just about any financial aspect of the parties' relationship, it cannot in any way modify the child support obligations that either spouse would have if the marriage should end in divorce. Any other provisions of the agreement that violate the law would also be invalid. It is possible, however, that the court would enforce the remainder of the agreement, axing only the illegal clauses.

6. No time to think it over. A prospective spouse. entering into a prenuptial agreement must be given time to review it and consider the ramifications before signing it. If the groom hands the contract and a pen to the bride just before she says, "I do," the agreement is probably invalid.

7. You didn't read it if your spouse-to-be shoves a bunch of papers, including a prenuptial agreement, in front of you and asks you to sign them, explaining them away with such excuses as "it's all just a bunch of legal mumbo jumbo," and you take him or her at face value and sign without reading, the agreement should not be enforceable.

8.Your Arm was Twisted. An agreement may not be valid if one of the spouses was pressured by the other or (by his or her lawyer or family) to sign the agreement.

9. Not Properly Signed. Both parties must sign prenuptial agreements before the wedding.

10. Agreement not in writing. prenuptial agreements must be in writing to be enforceable.


About the author:
Jeffrey Broobin is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life.
Website: http://www.legalhelpmate.com
Email: jeffreyb@legalhelpmate.com
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Thursday, August 09, 2007

Child Support under Washington State Family Law

In Washington, the legislature has found that all parents have a responsibility to support their children, and that each child has a right to support from both parents. Furthermore, everyone knows the phrase, “dead beat dad (or mom)” and the problems it can cause. As a result, Washington State family law on child support makes it easy for an order of child support to be entered against a non-custodial parent, either by a Superior Court or an administrative agency. While it is fair to require all parents to support their children, the orders entered against non-custodial parents are not always fair payment requirements or back support amounts, especially if that parent was not represented by a competent Washington State family law attorney.

Child support is arguably more than just a legal requirement; it is an ethical requirement to support one’s children. But sometimes the zeal with which orders are pursued means the real facts and circumstances of each case are not given fair consideration. Washington State Family Law requires that the accurate incomes of both parties be considered. Furthermore, there may be facts and circumstances which preclude a obligor (paying parent) from paying what would be the full amount, like being temporarily unemployed or disabled. While Washington State family law policy is not to allow a parent to be free of a child support obligation due to such circumstances, the law does aim to be fair.

If you anticipate having a child support order entered against you through a divorce, paternity, or other Washington State Family Law action, contact McKinley Irvin and speak to one of our family law attorneys. We have extensive experience in child support actions, and we can make sure that your side gets a fair hearing. Children deserve support, but parents deserve to be treated fairly when determining that support. The Washington State Family Law lawyers at McKinley Irvin can do just that for you.

About the Author:
Susant Kumar
The author is a Washington State Family Law student. Please visit mckinleyirvin.com for more details.
Article Source: Articles4Free.com

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Divorce Chat

The pressure, pain and depression associated with a divorce can be made more bearable by talking to strangers about your situation. This though is not new as there have always been divorce help groups available to provide support. However, with the appearance of the internet, divorce chat rooms have also become popular.

Unlike a help group, divorce chat rooms have the added advantage that no-one knows what you look like. You can chat with someone about your divorce from the comfort of your own home, but still retain your anonymity.

Even if you are not going through a divorce but are considering applying for one, entering a divorce chat room may provide useful to you as you can share in the unique experiences of other people. It could give you that extra boost to give your marriage one last chance before taking that final, irreversible step of filing the divorce petition.

As well as having divorce chat rooms available to all people, there are some which cater only for women as well as those that cater only for men. Sometimes talking to a stranger of the same gender can help more as you may find it easier to relate to each other. On the other hand, talking with someone of the opposite gender can increase your understanding of what your soon to be ex-spouse is experiencing and perhaps make you view them in a different, more understanding light.

Divorce chat rooms, like divorce help groups don’t only provide a shoulder to lean upon. By sharing experiences you can learn more about the legal processes involved as well as finding out what things you could do to help you cope with your situation. Silly as it may sound, even painting one of the walls in your house a bright, vibrant color could be enough just to keep your depression at bay.

Whether you decide to take advantage of a divorce chat room or not, there is one thing that is important to remember. You don’t need to suffer through your divorce in silence as there are people out there just willing to listen and offer support to you in your time of need.

Finally, like with all chat rooms you need to remember that with a divorce chat room you don’t know who you are talking with. Therefore it is better not to disclose too much information about yourself and where you live that would enable a complete stranger to find you.

About the Author:
Krishan Bakhru
Free Ebooks Resell Right Ebooks and Anxiety Panic Attack Treatment
Submitted: April 27, 2007
Article Source: ArticlesFactory.com

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Ease Financial Pain With A Prenuptial Agreements

While we don’t marry someone with idea of splitting up later, the truth is that every year about half of the marriages in the US end in divorce and only about 5% of them every go to trial. This is because we would prefer a friendly separation and an out-of-court settlement because divorce is painful. A prenuptial agreement can help to save you from a Court Fight if you and your partner decide to divorce. While easing the pain of divorce, it can also preserve family ties and even make your marriage less stressful because of the certainty of your intentions. Before discussing a prenuptial agreement with your intended, be very clear In Your Own Mind why you want to have it. Then be honest. If you want your children from a previous marriage to know that you have provided for them financially, say so. If you want to protect your intended from any possible argument from the first family, say so. If you want to assure your parents that your business will stay in the family if you are divorced or deceased. A contract signed by Both Parties and notarized, the prenuptial agreement in most states is acknowledged as if it were a deed. While prenuptial agreements need not be filed with the court or reviewed before signing, they can be set aside for fraud, duress, failure to provide information, unfairness, and failure to be adequately represented. All states require that there be Full Disclosure of assets and liabilities, and that each spouse be fully aware of what they are getting and giving up by signing the agreement. Prenuptial agreements were popularized in the 19th century, mostly to protect heiresses from marrying men who were "out for their money. Prior to the Married Women's Property Act of 1848, a woman's property, upon marriage, was transferred to her husband. W hen they married, her money became his and any business that she managed became his, too. If she inherited money during the marriage, that, too, was his. In the prenuptial agreement, either party Can Waive Any Rights given by law. Yet one spouse can voluntarily give to the other as much as either wishes. If there is a lucrative business, the agreement can state who will manage the business, handle the investments and receive the income or proceeds from it. The agreement can state the proportion of funds from a certain source that will belong to each party. The parties can even agree on how they will spend certain sums throughout the course of the marriage. With a prenuptial agreement, a person can Disinherit a Spouse, settle property rights or exempt a major asset like the family business from the marital estate. Without such a signed agreement, most states give a surviving spouse a minimum of one-third of the total assets. If there are children from a Previous Marriage, this is important because the children of that marriage may lose one-third of their inheritances, even assets that were accumulated during a first marriage and the new marriage lasted for only a few weeks. In some states, the heirs to an estate can continue a divorce proceeding that began before the deceased died as a tool to prevent the surviving spouse from receiving any of the inheritance. A prenuptial agreement prevents such bloody battles. So long as the agreement is voluntary, it can be tailored to meet any Special Needs. Estate provisions in prenuptial agreements may also be useful in first marriages, or where one of the parties previously was married. Such agreements can require that insurance policies be purchased to insure an inheritance, or to exempt cherished family property from the spouse or to protect a trust fund that was set up for another family member. Only in the past three decades have states upheld prenuptial agreements as a basis for financial settlements in the event of divorce. While prenuptial agreements are not very romantic, it can be a positive thing in a marriage to document what the spouse receives vs. what members from the first family can expect in the event of death or divorce. The prenuptial agreement could cover basic financial matters Important In Divorce, like a major business, a particular trust fund, a future inheritance, a waiver of financial support, Couples can agree to waive their rights to financial support. This means that both parties will have an incentive throughout the marriage to accumulate their own wealth and to pursue their own careers because if the marriage fails, they can only look to themselves for financial support. These waivers must be reasonable, and neither party must be in danger of going on assistance. Further, the rights of a child, born or unborn, cannot be waived. Without such agreements, a Community Property state can grant the spouses one-half of the marital wealth. In other states, the assets are divided based on an “equitable distribution.

About the author:
Jeffrey Broobin is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life.
Website: http://www.legalhelpmate.com
Email: jeffreyb@legalhelpmate.com
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Saturday, August 04, 2007

Does Your Tacoma Divorce Attorney Listen to You?

Family law cases are difficult ordeals for all involved. The impending changes are permanent, far reaching, and very personal. The problem is that law, all law, can only address personal issues so far. The law is cold and reductionistic, and therefore your Tacoma divorce attorney often approaches cases in kind. Lawyers have to think about your case in terms of its legal ramifications and may sometimes miss the bigger picture. The question is, does failing to listen to what your client has to say about his or her case make you a less effective Tacoma divorce attorney?

While there is no certain way to answer this question, the Tacoma divorce attorneys at McKinley Irvin think that listening to their clients is an important part of practicing family law. For one thing, deciding whether to litigate hard on an issue has everything to do with the particular circumstances and emotional framework of the issue. An effective Tacoma Divorce Attorney can only make such decisions with the input of their clients. Additionally, paradoxically people get divorced to improve their lives, not simply to break them down. Of course, your Tacoma Divorce Attorney may only be with you during the break down and difficult legal process. Nevertheless, the client will put his or her life back together using the orders and agreements from the divorce process; and, if the client has made substantial input to the process, the client will be more likely to succeed in his or her new life.

When you consult with a McKinley Irvin Tacoma divorce attorney, he or she will listen to you from the start. We know that divorce is about people and people are about stories. We know that being a good divorce attorney means learning how a relationship works and doesn’t work in order to effectively represent you. Contact a Tacoma Divorce Attorney at McKinley Irvin today to discuss your case, and meet a lawyer whose business is to listen as well as talk.

About the Author:
Susant Kumar
The author is a Tacoma Divorce Attorney law student. Please visit mckinleyirvin.com for more details.
Article Source: Articles4Free.com

Friday, August 03, 2007

Divorce, The Hardest Thing You Have To Do

Divorce. The word itself scares many people. The thought that all that you have worked for within your marriage has failed is enough to wreck lives. But, once your head clears enough to see through the tears and fights, you will need to begin your search for answers about divorce. Find the answers to how the divorce will happen, when it will be over, and what you need to do to make it go smoothly. But, where will you find this information? There are so many people just willing to take your money, but how do you know which will help you get through this divorce?

Divorce is never neat and clean. There are always hurt feelings, angry people, and someone is bound to end up hurt. But, the decision has been made to go through with the divorce. Now, you need to focus your attention on getting the divorce over with. You can begin your search for answers to your divorce questions online. One good website to find divorce information is www.thesmartattorneys.com. Websites like this one can offer help in finding the right attorney for your divorce case.

Knowing What To Do In Divorce

Knowing what to do when you are faced with a divorce is often hard to figure out. But, you can and you will get through it. First, you need a qualified divorce attorney. A divorce is a messy thing and you will want someone knowledgeable to help you figure it out. Then, you need to decide on some very important situations. It can not be stressed enough the importance of having a level head and not pursuing those angry feelings. Things like money and property will have to be divided within the divorce. But, your children will also need to know that you and your partner have the best intentions for them as well even though you are facing this divorce.

The statistics are high in this country for divorce. If you are one of those individuals searching for answers on how to make it through your divorce, you can find answers and divorce attorneys on websites like www.thesmartattorneys.com. Although divorce is a huge change and challenge within your life, it will be comforting to know that there are divorce attorney’s willing to take some of the burden off you. Your divorce does not have to be hard and messy. Instead, divorce can be a beginning to the rest of your life.

About the Author:
S A Baker is staff writer at http://www.thesmartattorneys.com
Submitted: May 9, 2005
Article Source: ArticlesFactory.com

Thursday, August 02, 2007

The Estate Planning Tool – A Prenuptial Agreement

The question is? Should we have a marital contract or a prenuptial agreement? If you are happy with the way your state law already provides for the distribution of your assets when your relationship ends in divorce or if you die, perhaps not. It depends on your personal and financial situation. It comes down to that marriage, is both a personal and financial partnership. With a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement, you can adjust all aspects to your approval, as everyone is different and may require different alterations in these agreements. Especially is there are large assets involved, or if there are children from a previous marriage Basic estate planning is having a prenuptial agreement. It gives you the option of doing whatever you wish with your assets which more then likely will be different, Then State laws already provided. According to State law you are entitled to a certain amount if there is no documents, what ever you will specifies. In a prenuptial agreement your can waive your respective rights under state law, leaving you free to come to an agreement different from the State. A reasonable prenuptial agreement allows everyone you care about to be protected, including your mate. You can allow your mate to live in your house even if your children eventually inherit it upon the death of your spouse. The rules are yours to create. There are some ground rules that must be followed:

A) First it must be in writing.

B) There must be an on full financial disclosure or it will not be valid and can be challenged after you are gone.

C) Each Partner must have there own Attorney so there is no conflict of interest.

D) Take your time in writing the document and try not to do this right before the wedding, because it will look like coercion to the any court.

About the author:
Jeffrey Broobin is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life.
Website: http://www.legalhelpmate.com
Email: jeffreyb@legalhelpmate.com
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Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Protecting Children from the Negative Impact of Divorce

Anyone who has been through the rigors of divorce knows how emotionally and physically difficult a time it can be. Often, we forget about the effect it is having on the children who can sometimes believe that they are somehow to blame. It is important for the children to receive appropriate help during this stressful time and to be assured that they are not at fault and that both parents still love them very much.

As hard as it may be at the time, both parents need to be civil toward one another and work out an arrangement that is in the best interests of the children while still allowing the parents to meet their own needs as well. It is far better to do this yourselves than to put everyone through the distress of a court and having an arbitrary decision made for you.

This is a time when both parents need to work together to help the children. Even if one parent fails to honor their commitment to help the children, the other parent still needs to do the best they can to be responsible in this situation.

You should not keep the divorce a secret from the children. You need to tell them when you make your decision and what is going to happen. Try to give them at least a little bit of notice before the parent moves out so that the child can have the time to deal with it and ask questions. Reassure the child that both parents are still going to be there for them and that nothing has changed in that sense.

Avoid playing the blame game when talking to the children. Putting the other parent down leads to insecurity on the part of the children. They need to know that both parents are still able to be trusted and depended upon. Let them know that it was a mutual decision and that you both did your best to avoid this ending.

Make your child aware that they are not going to be able to get the both of you back together. Tell them that there is nothing that they can do to make the situation go away. Also make it clear to them where they are going to live and that they can see the other parent any time they want to. You can tell them that there may be some changes in that later on, but it is not going to affect their relationship. Give them the opportunity to ask you any questions that they may have for you both.

An important factor is your reactions in front of the children. It's easy to display negative emotions when facing divorce but the children can do without the extra upset. They need to feel safe and secure in the knowledge that both parents love them and don't want to upset them in any way.

You should never fight with the other parent in front of the children. This will be very disturbing to the children and may cause them to be fearful of what may happen in the future. You should not speak badly about the other parent either. You have to be very careful not to call the other parent names or talk negatively about anything that they have done.

Never keep the children away from the other parent unless they are in danger of anything. You should let the children see the parent when they feel the need to. Let them know that they can call them anytime and you will be happy to drive them to see you're soon to ex spouse's residence any time that they want.

Never forget your responsibility to the children. To continue to be a good parent, even if you do not have custody, means communicating with them. Despite the fact that divorce can be very traumatic for parents, you need to keep up your strength for the sake of the children.

Don't shower them with money and gifts but give them your time. That is the most important thing at this time. Don't make promises if you can't keep them and never, never abandon them, either physically or emotionally.

If you think that the child needs to have therapy, you should make the necessary arrangements. If they need to talk to a professional let them, as this is going to help a child in the long run. It is crucial to the children to be able to discuss their feelings and to be reassured that they have nothing to worry about concerning the divorce. It is nothing to be ashamed of and the child should be made to feel comfortable about all that is going on around them.

About the Author:
Anne Wolski has worked in the health and welfare industry for more than 30 years. She is the owner of http://www.mummansun.com, a discount retail outlet, and a co-director of http://www.betterhealthshoppe.com which is an information portal with many interesting medical articles. She is also an associate of http://www.timzbiz.com which features many articles on internet marketing and resources.
Submitted: 2006-09-19
Article Source: GoArticles

Sunday, July 29, 2007

The Hidden Effects of Divorce On Children

There are often mixed opinions about the true effects of divorce on children. The following article covers facts gathered from various resources over the years. We'll shed some light on and uncover the REAL effects that divorce could have on your children should you choose to go through with the divorce...

These days, it is hard to come by an individual who does not know someone who has been divorced, or who has not been divorced themselves. In Hollywood, divorce is seemingly becoming a common occurrence, while paving the way for a society where we're not only getting married later in life, but also searching for an almost unrealistic level of happiness in our marriage.

Many couples considering divorce refuse to believe that divorce can have a negative effect on their children. But many studies have been conducted that prove otherwise.

A long term study released in 2002 by the Institute for American Values found that “unhappily married adults who divorced were no more likely to report emotional or psychological improvements than those who stayed married.

According to this study, divorce does in fact NOT improve your emotional health. I think it would be safe to assume that this is due to the stress and financial burden divorce inflicts upon couples.

Here's another fact you might not know...

The Institute for American Values study found that almost eight out of 10 couples who avoided divorce were happily married five years later. Surprising, isn't it?

Here's another fact...

Half of all American children will witness the breakup of a parent’s marriage. Of these, close to half will also see the breakup of a parent’s second marriage.” (Furstenberg, Peterson, Nord, and Zill, “Life Course”)

Many couples divorce, and then remarry without knowing the true cause of their marriage problems in the first marriage. This is why the second marriage divorce rate is even higher than that of the first marriage!

Here's are some statistics specifically about the effects of divorce on children...

- Studies in the early 1980’s showed that children in repeat divorces earned lower grades and their peers rated them as less pleasant to be around. (Andrew J. Cherlin, Marriage, Divorce, Remarriage –Harvard University Press 1981)

- Forty percent of children growing up in America today are being raised without their fathers. (Wade, Horn and Busy, “Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform” Hudson Institute Executive Briefing, 1997)

- Teenagers in single-parent families and in blended families are three times more likely to need psychological help within a given year. (Peter Hill “Recent Advances in Selected Aspects of Adolescent Development” Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry 1993)

- Compared to children from homes disrupted by death, children from divorced homes have more psychological problems. (Robert E. Emery, Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment” Sage Publications, 1988)

That statistic is truly amazing, isn't it? But let me continue on...here are are some more shocking statistics on the effect of divorce on children...

- Children living with both biological parents are 20 to 35 percent more physically healthy than children from broken homes. (Dawson, “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well-being” Journal of Marriage and the Family)

- Most victims of child molestation come from single-parent households or are the children of drug ring members. (Los Angles Times 16 September 1985 The Garbage Generation)

- A Child in a female-headed home is 10 times more likely to be beaten or murdered. (The Legal Beagle, July 1984, from “The Garbage Generation”)

- The study of children six years after a parental marriage breakup revealed that even after all that time, these children tended to be “lonely, unhappy, anxious and insecure". (Wallerstein “The Long-Term Effects of Divorce on Children” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 1991)

- Children of divorce are four times more likely to report problems with peers and friends than children whose parents have kept their marriages intact. (Tysse, Burnett, “Moral Dilemmas of Early Adolescents of Divorced and Intact Families. Journal of Early Adolescence 1993)

- Children of divorce, particularly boys, tend to be more aggressive toward others than those children whose parents did not divorce. (Emery, “Marriage, Divorce and Children’s Adjustment, 1988)

- Children of divorce are at a greater risk to experience injury, asthma, headaches and speech defects than children whose parents have remained married. (Dawson, “Family Structure and Children’s Health and Well Being” National Health Interview Survey on Child Health, Journal of Marriage and the Family)

- People who come from broken homes are almost twice as likely to attempt suicide than those who do not come from broken homes. (Velez-Cohen, “Suicidal Behavior and Ideation in a Community Sample of Children” Journal of the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry 1988)

- Children of divorced parents are roughly two times more likely to drop out of high school than their peers who benefit from living with parents who did not divorce. (McLanahan, Sandefur, “Growing Up With a Single Parent: What Hurts, What Helps” Harvard University Press 1994)

- Seventy percent of long-term prison inmates grew up in broken homes. (Horn, Bush, “Fathers, Marriage and Welfare Reform)

- Following divorce, children are fifty percent more likely to develop health problems than two parent families. (Angel, Worobey, “Single Motherhood and Children’s Health”)

- Of all children born to married parents this year, fifty percent will experience the divorce of their parents before they reach their 18th birthday. (Fagan, Fitzgerald, Rector, “The Effects of Divorce On America)

I hope these statistics may eventually cause you (or your spouse) to seriously consider all the consequences of divorce before you make that final decision.

Based on these statistics, it becomes obvious that children need stable, loving homes with both mom and dad. There is, of course an exception to every rule, and in this case it is households where abuse is taking place. Children should under no circumstances remain in an abusive atmosphere that is unsafe for them.

But if there is no abuse taking place in your marriage and the two of you have simply "grown apart",or fell out of love, I urge you to seek out help for your marriage before you give up completely. For your children's sake, even if you're feeling hopeless right now, get help for your marriage today.

About the Author:
With an 88% success rate, Larry Bilotta's Marriage Lifeline Program, gives you hope for your marriage - even if you're the only one who wants to Save the marriage. For FREE, straightforward, no-nonsense advice you can use to save your marriage, with or WITHOUT your spouse's participation visit Larry's web site: Stop Your Divorce.
Submitted: January 7, 2007
Article Source: ArticlesFactory.com

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Divorce - is it really the answer?

There are several reasons for seeking divorce by couples: economic, social, psychological or personal. Divorce should not be encouraged by any society; for the simple reason that it has far-reaching consequences not only for the persons involved in the divorce, but also for their children, and society.

The causes of divorce are diverse; sometimes, parents seek divorce on some flimsy grounds, too; in one instance, a husband divorces his wife just because she has ‘Robbie Williams’ tattooed on both ankles, while, in another, a housewife divorces her husband because he wouldn’t let her buy her own underwear. However, in most cases, divorces take place on account of factors, such as: poor communication, financial problems, a lack of commitment to the marriage, infidelity, physical, sexual or emotional abuse, failed expectations or un-met needs, etc.

Whatever may be the reasons for divorce, there is a need for introspection on the part of partners involved in seeking a divorce; as divorce causes many disadvantages to the spouses involved. Needless to say, going through the divorce is a painful process. It leaves the partners totally confused, crestfallen and with a low self-esteem, besides creating emotional disorders. Not only the relationship between the husband and wife sours, but also the relationships with the kith and kin of each spouse get affected. It might so happen that they, too, may take sides against the husband or wife.

Monetarily too, both husband and spouse suffer, because they would have to buy independent apartments, vehicles and other utilities for their individual use, with their own resources for which they might have to borrow from banks. More than anything, divorce means neglected children with a bleak future that leaves them undernourished, poorly educated and deprived of a productive means of livelihood.

In spite of the above, it is not possible to avoid divorce in many a case however much one should try. Rather than the factors cited above for divorce, what matters is the perception of the partners concerned that divorce would buy them peace in life, which may not be true after the separation. Nevertheless, if either the partners or one of them is adamant on getting a divorce, nothing can stop them from the breakup of the marriage.

A few grounds for divorce include ‘separation by consent’ in which the husband and wife live separately with consent for two years. Who knows what would happen during this period? The partners may decide to end the marriage by divorce as already planned, or at least soften their stance, during the interim period, on seeking immediate divorce resulting in an amicable divorce, with fewer implications for their personal lives.

Another ground for divorce is ‘five years separation with consent’ in which case the husband and wife will live separately for five years at the end of which one or both of the partners could seek to obtain a divorce regardless of whether the other party gives consent or not.

A third ground for divorce is ‘desertion’ in which case either the husband or wife will desert the other for a continuous period of two years, which becomes a sufficient ground for seeking a divorce on the part of either of them.

All these grounds for divorce do not necessarily guarantee that the process of divorce is smooth and without any hardships to the parties concerned. If we take this into account, we can safely conclude that seeking divorce is not the panacea for marital discord.

As divorce is a serious sociological problem in the UK, all efforts should be made to prevent divorce at any cost, and seeking divorce should be the last option chosen by couples. There is a need for initiating necessary steps to curb the trend of rising divorce cases. When couples enter into wedlock, proper guidance and counselling should be provided to them regarding the sanctity of marriage and the need to honour the commitment to marriage by the partners concerned through the thick and thin of life. Couples should also be advised to adjust to each other, and practise sharing and caring for each other. Hopefully, this will reverse the trend of increasing number of divorce cases in the UK to a considerable extent.

About the Author:
James Walsh
For more information on divorce see www.managed-divorce.co.uk
Article Source: Articles4Free.com

Friday, July 20, 2007

10 Tips for Winning at Custody

Winning at Custody is one of the most difficult issues parents confront in divorce. In many cases, both parents want custody and are willing to spend whatever it takes to win. Custody is all about what is best for the children - and that involves proving that you are the best parent - i.e. that the other parent is not as good a parent as you and/or that the other parent is just simply a bad parent.

My recommended tips for winning at custody are:

1. If you are not involved in your children's lives now, you are not getting custody from a judge. If you are a working parent who lets your spouse handle all of the details of parenting, you are not prepared to win at custody. You must either change your objectives or change your parenting. If you really want custody, get involved now - in all aspects of your children's lives. Get involved in your children's schooling. Attend their extra curricular events. Take them to the doctor and dentist. Get to know what professionals your children see and be involved with them?

2. Make sure that you are not exposing your children to unsafe or unhealthy environments when they are with you. Are you involved in another relationship? Has there been more than one? Be very careful about exposing your children to your companion(s). Many judges, professionals, and other parents object to the children being subjected to other relationships too early in that process. More important, if you really want to win at custody, it should be because you want to spend time with your children parenting them. Spending time with someone else when you have the children is a recipe for losing at custody in court.

3. Do you put down your children's other parent when the children are with you - either consciously or subconsciously? If you do, stop. One sure way to lose at custody is to hurt the children's relationship with the other parent. A judge will consider whether a parent promotes or prevents the other parent's access to and relationship with the children when seeking custody.

4. Winning at custody requires that you keep a calendar for everything. You need to be able to look back and remember details when it comes time to litigage custody. If you do not know when you had the children, what events you attended, where they were or you were or allof the times your spouse was not timely for a pick up or drop off, you will only hurt your own case. You can keep track on your own calendar, with your own journal, or with a professionally managed calendaring system. We do provide access to a professional calendaring system for custody cases on our web site at http://www.millenniumdivorce.com/custody-planner.asp.

5. Be on time...Be on time....Be on time. Few issues cause as much conflict as a parent who is persistently late in picking up or dropping off children. It irks the judges, it creates arguments with your ex or soon to be ex, and it stresses out the children. So, Be on time.

6. Be flexible. If the other parent wants to switch weekends or weekdays, do it if you can manage your schedule. When the time comes to tell the judge why you should have custody, you can tell the judge that you are the parent who makes sure that the schedule works. In a close case, this issue makes a difference.

7. Do not involve your children in the issues that are pending in court or with attorneys. Courts generally are very opposed to the children knowing the details of what are essentially adult issues. Children should be told that both parents love them and want to see them - that's it. The children may see a psychologist and/or an attorney or other professional if the court directs that. The children can talk to those people about your case - you should not be giving them the details, especially if giving the details involves denigrating the other parent.

8. Winning at custody requires considering one other very important factor: where do the children want to live. It is not a good idea to coach your children on this issue. They will have an opportunity to tell what they want to either the court, their attorney or a psychologist. However, it is a good idea to know what they want. If they want to live with their other parent, you should not spend all of your time and money pursuing custody, unless you believe that it is unsafe or inappopriate for the children to live with that parent.

9. You do have to be willing to show why your children's other parent should not have custody. So, you need to keep track of whether that parent is on time, involved, and flexible with the schedule. If that parent has any issues that affect custody, such as a history of mental health issues which impact his or her ability to care for the children or alcohol or drug addictions, you need to let the court know. Other issues that can and do affect custody determinations include the number and frequency of romantic relationships and the epxosure of the children to those relationship, the proper supervision of the children, and ensuring that the children attend school and see professionals such as a doctor and dentist when necessary.

10. Above all else, hire a good attorney and be open and honest with your attorney. Listen to your attorney, not some friend or relative who is sure about what you should do because they had a friend or a relative who got a better deal. If you are paying your attorney, listen to what he or she has to say.

About the author:
Jean Mahserjian is an attorney and the author of numerous websites and books devoted to helping consumers through the process of divorce. To download free excerpts from her divorce and custody books, visit: http://www.millenniumdivorce.com
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Divorce Facts

If you or your spouse are considering filing for divorce, there are some divorce facts that you should be aware of. No, I’m not just talking about the statistics around divorces that are regularly quoted in the media. Divorce facts also encompass items such as tax implications, and custody laws.

Of course these laws will vary from state to state so I won’t be going into too much detail here, but just giving a brief heads up about some of the main divorce facts that would be a good idea to keep in mind both during as well as before and after the process.

Let’s begin with looking at the divorce facts surrounding your tax returns. You will need to keep a complete inventory of all fees paid and money received that is to do with your divorce. For example fees paid to lawyers, and money received or paid for support. Depending upon the law of the state in which you reside, you could need to account for such amounts as part of your annual tax return.

Another sad but unavoidable fact of divorce is the effect it will have on your children. I say ‘will’ and not ‘could’ as divorce will, without any doubt, have an effect on them. However, the extent to which it affects them does depend mostly on how you and your spouse behave throughout the whole process and how you communicate with them during this difficult time. The more amicably the proceeding progresses, the less likely that your children will be adversely affected in the long run.

One of the common divorce facts is the increase in poverty. Generally speaking this affects more women than men since it is more common that the wages earned by a man are higher than those earned by a woman. This coupled with the fact that more often than not, the woman retains custody of the children results in the woman being in a less favorable financial position. Even though the woman may receive financial support from the children’s father, it generally isn’t enough to compensate for the same standard of living as if the marriage had remained intact.

Sadly, another of the common divorce facts is that once the process is complete, most people say that if they had known earlier how painful the whole process would be, they would have tried harder to save their marriage in the first place. Something perhaps that you should too bear in mind if you are considering divorce.

About the Author:
Krishan Bakhru
Free Ebooks Resell Right Ebooks and Natural Beauty
Submitted: April 27, 2007
Article Source: ArticlesFactory.com

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Choosing a Solicitor to Manage Your Divorce

Looking for Choices

Even if you are in a tearing hurry to get the divorce over and done with, the friendly and eager young apprentice may not be the best idea just because he ‘looks’ honest. The internet lists hundreds of law firms and attorneys who are specialists; there are the yellow pages and newspaper classifieds. Several law associations offer their databases on the net, and it may not be such a bad idea to ask friends or family. There are counsellors and help cells attached with a few universities as well, who may be able to recommend someone reliable.

Research

It is definitely wise to read up on the laws before approaching the attorney. The internet offers a lot of material, much of it repackaged in attractive language. One should be careful, though, not to be tricked into paying for what is available for free. All divorce documents may be obtained free of cost at local courts in any region of the UK, and can be downloaded from the Court Service website. However, some sites actually fill in these forms for a nominal charge and are probably the most economic options.

Specialist Knowledge

This is of utmost importance in family law. Thorough domain knowledge is a greater benefit than a wide but surface-level survey. The correct lawyer will be a family law specialist with enough experience and a successful but clean track record. It is a good idea to check up on a few former clients, and testimonials are provided by attorneys who have nothing negative to hide.

Within Reach

While the internet has made meeting a human attorney in person optional now, the person in question must be contactable. A lawyer who does not want to receive calls (ever) or answer his mails is also not dependable. Your divorce may turn out to be the most amicable and smooth settlement in all of Britain, but would you want to be stranded in case of an emergency? An attorney, like a doctor, is supposed to be answerable, and do not trust someone whose existence is proved by an answering machine only, or is forever represented by a secretary. On the other hand, attorneys are busy people; do not spend hours telling them of your grief, you will be charged for it.

Does He Listen?

Be it through emails, phones, physical visits or even the informal internet chat, a good attorney is also a good listener. No matter how busy he is, a patient hearing is what you are paying for. If he does not know your case properly, chances are that he does not value it much either. Please do not be shy to discuss your financial position, terms of the agreement, and any problems which may complicate the divorce.

Credentials

Please check the attorney out properly before making up a deed with him. The trial visit is usually free, but even if a charge is deducted, it would stop a penny-wise pound-foolish decision from being implemented.

1. Please ask for and check the accreditation certificate properly. It would be terrible to be caught in the web of a glibly talking conman or even a quack. Please do not be swept away by friendliness or sales pitches – checking that certificate must not be stalled.
2. Things like fee structure, other costs entailed etc. should be totally cleared out in writing and verbally too. If you are going for a package deal make sure others have done that before you. Specify each point that does not seem water-tight enough.
3. Young attorneys, fresh from school, can be brilliant people. But it may be better to find out a lawyer who is either a veteran, or is at least experienced, or belongs to a law firm.

Does your Attorney Customise for You?

Divorce, like marriage, is an intensely individualised area. The attorney must recognise the areas where your case needs to be customised. If you feel he is generalising too much, move out.

About the Author:
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. For more information about using online services to get a Divorce see www.managed-divorce.co.uk
Article Source: Articles4Free.com

Sunday, July 15, 2007

The Divorce Blame Game

We all begin the divorce process convinced that everything is the other spouse's fault. All of the pain is a direct result of their bad behavior. Your ex is acting in complete disregard for your feelings. If your ex would only behave the divorce would go more smoothly. That you might have a part in this mess doesn't even occur to you. No, your spouse is to blame. He is one who cheated, lied, and betrayed you. How could you be responsible?

But when the dust settles you may start asking yourself some difficult questions. Was it really all your ex's fault? Was there anything you might have done or not done that could have contributed to this divorce?

This is where it gets tough. No one likes to think that they were responsible in any way for the failure of their marriage. It just has to be your ex's fault. Don't you have that long list of sins?

How could anyone draw a different conclusion?

Chances are that in most ways you are right, and your ex is wrong. Some of his actions might seem unforgivable. So, after all of the stress, heartache, and pain, why bother to accept any blame? If you look inward instead of outward, you will be able to take control. With this power you will emerge from your divorce with greater insight, and valuable lessons for any future relationship.

Only a victim looks at an ex-spouse and says: "Because of you I do not trust anyone. Because of you my life is empty. Because of you I am in pain." In doing that, the victim gives her ex-husband a controlling power over her behavior. You are making your ex responsible for your life. In saying:

"It's not my fault," you are holding yourself back from the hard work of recovery. The longer you harbor this victim mentality, the longer you will deny yourself a chance at the life you deserve to live.

Don't hide from yourself. Dig deep into the memory of your past actions. Look at them, learn from them, and let them go. Forgive yourself. Until you do that you won't find forgiveness for anyone. Once you do it you might be pleasantly surprised that the anger you feel for your spouse is diminishing.

The willingness to let go of the past, and truly move on to a better place, is the key to peace and happiness.

About the Author:
Christina Rowe is the author of the new book Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know . Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce. For your free Secrets of Divorce newsletter go to http://www.divorcesurvivalskills.com
Submitted: 2006-10-14
Article Source: GoArticles