Break-Ups And Doubts

Shall I break-up? Am I right? Or my thinking is wrong somewhere? What if I hurt my partner with the break-up? What if I cannot live normally after break-up? Shall I recover from it? Should I break-up? I am having doubts about the reasons. I am doubtful about the consequences. I am confused. What shall I do?

After life reaches a stage where living together becomes very painful, one begins thinking of break-up. But the doubts can be overwhelming sometimes. They can mar the judgment. They confuse the thinking. This makes life further trouble some. What is the way out?

The first step should be giving your mind little rest. A tense mind tends to lose the way. Relax and let go of these thoughts for few days. Involve yourself in other activities. Relaxing your mind will give you some peace and help you think well. After you begin feeling peaceful, begin writing down your reasons for breaking up. Do not miss anything. Write down all the reasons clearly and write explanations wherever needed. This will give you further insight into why you want to break-up.

Pluses and Minuses - write down both pluses and minuses of the break-up. Read them carefully and weigh them. If necessary, consult a close friend. After you become sure that you must break-up and that will be in your interest and in the interest of your partner, go ahead.

About the Author:
The author C.D.Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas on love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for desktop wallpapers on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, animals, etc. One more site recommended by the author has fun flash games which surfers can play online.
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Why Do So Many Marriages End in Divorce?

When a couple get married they intend it to be 'happy ever after'. I don't believe anyone goes into marriage intending to get divorced. However, I do think there are four major reasons why so many marriages end up in the divorce courts.

1. Selfishness: quite simply, any relationship is one of give and take. In a marriage if both partners want what is best for their partner over and above what they want for themselves then there won't be bitter arguments and conflict. It's when we insist on having our own way that problems arise.

2. Lack of Communication: when something is bothering you in your marriage then clamming up and shutting the other person out will cause that concern to fester and grow. Your imagination might run completely wild until you've worked yourself up into an angry accusing state - which will certainly lead to more arguments. If you talk about your concerns before they become massive, and if you can talk openly and honestly with each other, then most problems can be sorted out quite amicably.

3. Lack of shared values and goals: if you got married in the heat of romance and lust then you are unlikely to have really explored each other's values and goals. Once the initial honeymoon period is over reality kicks in. And the differences can be quite fundamental, perhaps you want children and your spouse doesn't, or vice versa. If you want different things from your marriage then you are likely to be disappointed and disappointing. It's vital to discuss these sorts of issues before you decide to get married. Is this really the person you want to spend the rest of your life with? While a broken engagement hurts it is far better than the hurt, acrimony and unpleasantness that could be caused by a divorce several years down the track.

4. Divorce is seen as an 'easy' answer: some people would say that divorce is far too easy these days. While it might be true that one can get divorced easily, the emotional turmoil, feelings of failure and detrimental effects on the children, make divorce anything but 'easy'.

Life will present challenges to every marriage at some time or another. This could be interfering in-laws, a sickly child or worse. However, if you have started out with shared values and goals; if you keep the communication channels open whatever happens; and if you unselfishly consider the other person first, then you will stay married and your marriage bond will have been strengthened by the challenges you have faced together.

About The Author:
Penny Dablin has been happily married to her soulmate for the past 23 years and is looking forward to the next 23! She is also the owner of http://www.beyourdestiny.com, a website developed to encourage you to fulfill your purpose and destiny in life.
Check out the website for more marriage and divorce articles.
Article Submitted On: October 25, 2006
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Emotional Stages Of Divorce

Everyone's experience in divorce is different. Any article on recovery needs to start with that. I'm not going to try and cover all the possible reasons and circumstances that vary from person to person. Instead, we'll focus on things that are almost universal...the emotional stages that everyone experiences to some degree. We'll cover what these emotions are, how they affect you and how to deal with them. This article is devoted to you...getting you through to recovery so you can get on with a happy, healthy life. Yes, you can!

I've often felt that divorce is the most painful kind of grief because the person you lost is still around. You have all the same emotions as if your spouse has died...but they haven't...they're just not with you any more. Separation somehow seems to make divorce more cruel. Even worse, when children are involved, you're permanently linked to the source of your pain, suffering the loss over and over again. When there are issues of child custody, support, visitation, dating, adultery, the emotions just get deeper and more painful. Divorce, like grief, creates emotions of denial, anger, bargaining, depression and finally, acceptance just like any other major loss. We'll focus on how some of these emotions are changed when divorce is the reason for our grief. For more detail on grief, generally, see 5 Stages Of Grief And Loss.

Denial:

Everyone who grieves goes through some amount of denial, even those whose loved one dies. For divorce, the denial seems more reasonable. After all, they're just across town...it's just temporary...they'll get over it. I suspect the 'amicable divorce' concept is a symptom of denial. After all, if you were able to live amicably, you wouldn't be divorced. With many forms of grief, denial is a very short experience, but with divorce, the denial can go on for months...even years...some never get out of it. They sadly wait the rest of their lives for their love to return.

Anger:

Just as the denial of divorce is often longer, the anger in divorce is usually far stronger than if your spouse had died. This is because they aren't dead! Either they abandoned you or created the conditions where you had to leave them...either way, it was their action that seems responsible for your pain and loss. The stronger the anger is, the more it chains you to your pain and suffering. I know some who will not release their anger even years after they were hurt. They are as bound to it as Ahab to the whale, in Moby Dick...and with the same end. It really doesn't matter how justified our anger is, the person it's hurting...is us. No matter what it takes, we have to find a way to move past the anger, put it behind us and move on.

Bargaining:

This is a lot like denial, except, in bargaining, you try to believe there are things you can do to get your spouse back. 'If I just say I'm sorry for the thousandth time, they will take me back.' 'If I can convince them I've changed, they'll leave their new partner and come back to me.' If your spouse had died, bargaining is usually just a reflection on how it might have been different. Since your spouse is still alive, bargaining is actually possible. Every time your mind hits upon a new tactic, you're on the phone or at their door, trying to get back. In fact, if someone won't move out of the divorce bargaining stage, it can become stalking and lead to restraining orders or jail. There has to be a point where you let go.

Depression:

With divorce, this is usually more severe than with the death of a loved one. Maybe during the anger stage we were able to blame all our hurt on them, but since the bargaining phase we've begun to realize we had a hand in it. My brother was depressed for 3 years after his wife left him. Just before his sudden death from cancer, I visited him in the same apartment the family had lived in for 20 years. He never moved! There were still empty places on the walls where the children's pictures had been removed, over 3 years before. My brother was so shaken by the reality that those he loved the most, no longer wanted to be with him, it was as if he had been frozen in time. Make sure you have a close friend who will keep an eye on you when you're going through the depression part of divorce. They will force you to do what you don't want to do...everything.

Acceptance and Recovery:

Finally! It could take 2 years or longer to get here. In most divorces, it becomes clear that we and our spouse could have done things differently. We learn from the things we've discovered about ourselves and accept the things we've discovered about them. We realize there will always be a place in our heart where we miss how things might have been, but that is no longer the focus of our lives. We're even able to consider the risk of another relationship, hopefully, equipped with all we've learned from the last one. Let me know how you feel about it.

About The Author:
Glen Williams has counseled and helped people on life and health issues since 1987. He is Webmaster for http://www.way2hope.org, Founder and CEO of E-Home Fellowship, Inc.
Submitted: 2006-09-19
Article Source: GoArticles

Does A Cheating Wife Inevitably Lead To Divorce?

I don’t know a thing about you, but I’ll bet that your cheating wife is causing you more pain and stress than you’d care to admit. But let me ask you; instead of immediately making accusations and placing blame, did you ever stop and ask yourself “where did I go wrong?”

If you haven’t…don’t worry, most men NEVER DO. What I want you to do for a moment is shift your thoughts away from all the information out there telling you to focus on “EXPOSING your cheating wife”….and shift your thinking to the following statement…

“Women DON’T LEAVE great guys.”

It’s true. Why on Earth would your wife fall into the arms of another man when she has a caring, compassionate and sensitive man at home?

So again…I want you to ask yourself…“Where did I go wrong?”

I know you may be filled with anger and resentment thinking…“who does this guy think he is blaming ME for all this, it’s my WIFE who has been unfaithful…NOT ME!”

I want to make it clear that I am NOT placing blame on YOU…and I am NOT placing blame on YOUR WIFE either.

I need you to put your feelings aside for a moment and think about this logically….

The only reason you’re faced with a cheating wife right now is because your wife has a set of needs that you were not able to fulfill. But that’s okay because SHE did not communicate them to you in the first place…so you had no way of knowing what you were doing wrong!

Have you ever noticed the language of most “infidelity experts” out there on the internet centers on one theme: "catch, prove, divorce". Their premise is simple….

Your wife’s “crime” is unforgivable and her punishment will give you a sense of relief.

These “experts” make you believe that you’ll feel righteous after catching your cheating wife because SHE’S the villain and YOU’RE the good guy.

But after all the “dust settles” and everything is out in the open…reality starts to set in.

Your cheating wife has left you with not one, but TWO possible roads you can take.

The first road of “exposing your cheating wife” leads to confrontation, argument and most often…divorce. If you choose to get a divorce without knowing the REAL REASON your wife cheated on you in the first place, you’d just be glossing over the problem…instead of fixing it and preventing it from happening again in the future.

And before you decide to take this road to any degree, you must first consider the REAL COST of choosing this road.

Confronting your cheating wife will most likely bring on a higher level of stress for you because you’ll come to find out that there’s a BIG difference between SUSPECTING your wife is cheating and actually finding SOLID PROOF that she’s been unfaithful.

Finding ACTUAL evidence of an affair is NEVER easy, despite what the authors say.

But here’s the big question…

Will your wife become more cooperative and interested in you if you blame and confront her (especially when she knows she’s wrong), OR if you understand why she feels the way she does?

The answer is obvious.

Confronting your cheating wife will only bring on divorce and destroy the lives of your children. But the question is; can you stomach the proof?

The other road you can take is to draw your cheating wife back into your arms instead of throwing away what the two of you have invested in over the years.

You may be thinking you don’t stand a chance to win over your cheating wife from the other man. She may have told you that she’s “in love” with the other man because HE gives her what YOU never have.

If you want to find out how to ‘divorce proof’ your marriage and become the man she’ll NEVER want to leave, read the FREE Special Report titled The Secret Path to Divorce.

What you’ll learn will do MUCH more for you than learning how to become a great “spy”.

Instead, it will help you realize that WOMEN DON’T LEAVE GREAT GUYS.

About the Author:
Larry Bilotta
Want to get back on track with the one you love? Find out if you’re already on the "Secret Path" to Divorce and learn how to stay off it forever. Get your FREE Special Report at http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/secret.html.
Article Source: www.iSnare.com

Prevent Divorce

From my experience couple trying to Stop Divorce are faced with many challenges, some of these issues and challenges are often very surprising. One of the people who visited my site sent me an email saying that I would not believe how easy it was to work on some parts of the prevent divorce issue, and that the hardest thing he and his wife faced was breaking the old habits, changing the way they conducted themselves, the automatic pilot that drives relationships into walls.

This is what this article is about, trying to notice the point in which you lose control over your target (preventing and stopping your divorce) and let the auto pilot drive your relationship into a difficult spot. Shedding light on a few points, I hope that you will be better equipped the next time you are facing an argument or even a discussion.

First point, is almost too easy, the blame game. How easy is this? Now honestly, think about it, almost everyone does it, and you have done it many times before, you play this stupid little game, get yourself wrapped around this idea and lose control, not only escalating the situation but getting into a mindset of blaming and anger, this would not help you, or anyone for that matter, achieve anything. What you really need to do is examine the situation, think about what you did, or what you usually do, and what your spouse does, and be as objective as you can. Make a table with the things you both do, never forget to notice the things that you do wrong, because everyone does something wrong, and admit it, to yourself and to your spouse.

Second, the “you are overreacting” sentence. How helpful was that?, men tend to say this to woman a lot, but I saw a few woman do that too, and this is a nasty one, not only do you judge your spouse, you are also criticizing their response, like you have any right to. Think about it for a moment, I am sure you will understand that this is a terrible thing to say and that in no case should you even consider saying this, take things at face value, if your partner is angry, focus on why he or she got to this situation and deal with it, don’t push it away and award the what you think is an exaggerated reaction level to your partner.

Children or family issues, this is an extremely delicate issue. Using children as weapons in arguments and fights is something a lot of people do, a classic example of losing control and saying things you live to regret for a long time. A clear stop sign, if you can see it while you are angry and upset, in a middle of an argument, try your best to avoid using your children or other family members in fights.

One last point which is the general advice I can give, when discussing things with your spouse, or even when arguing or fighting, try and make the situation even, try and balance the power and the objectivity of the situation. This means that no one has clear control over the discussion, that it is a free – equal power debate between two people and not a lecture or verbal beating to one or another person.

In the next article I will discuss these issues further, good luck saving your relationship and stop divorce.

About the Author:
John Furnem is a dot com veteran, specializing in personality psychology he has written articles and held workshops/seminars for stress management and divorce prevention. John currently writes Stop Divorce Tips and Advice articles.
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com

The Importance Of Choosing The Right San Diego Divorce Attorney

If you live in San Diego and you want to get a divorce, you cannot escape the need to find a good San Diego divorce attorney. The lawyer will be the one to get you out of the most difficult situations and to walk you through what can be a tedious process. When you go through the painful procedure of a marriage break-up, you need a good friend, and if you find the right attorney, this person can be your most trusted fellow.

In the beginning, you have to be careful on how you choose a specific San Diego divorce attorney from the various attorney offices that are to be found around the city. Going through a divorce can be an expensive procedure. Therefore, one of the main things to consider is the fees that a San Diego divorce attorney usually charges. You can then decide whether the lawyer you like is also affordable for you, or you may have to settle for what you consider as second best. You can decide whether the San Diego divorce attorney you can afford is also good for you if you feel that particular lawyer can listen to you with the sympathetic ear of a friend. Never underestimate the importance of an understanding presence and of a kind word, especially when coming from an attorney. Otherwise, the whole divorce procedure may become unnecessarily cold and painful.

Usually, a San Diego divorce attorney will be very well familiarized with the family law legislation, but you would be better off checking that yourself. You can do that either by verifying the reputation of the lawyer or by looking directly into the history of the cases fought by that specific San Diego divorce attorney. An established San Diego divorce attorney will have already won numerous cases of divorce in the area. Therefore it should not prove too complicated to ensure that your choice is right. However, you should be careful, because a lawyer with a very good reputation for winning divorce cases may charge too high fees or may prove to be too specialized and less sympathetic and humane than you want your own lawyer to be.

The more complicated your case is, the more attention you should pay to the choice of attorney you make. For instance, if your case involves division of property, settling of intricate tax-related issues, or child custody, then it means that you are dealing with a divorce that is tougher than the average, and you would better secure a more prominent San Diego divorce attorney. Electing a better known San Diego divorce attorney may also secure you more favor with the judge in charge of the case. This happens because there are greater chances that your attorney already has developed a personal relationship with the judge from previous cases, or that at least your lawyer will be familiar with the preferences of most judges that may end up being in charge of your divorce case.

You never know when it can become crucial whether you have chosen the right attorney. You can never anticipate how complicated your marriage break-up can be. Your spouse may react more emotionally to the separation than you would have expected. He or she may collapse under the stress of the situation and may even end up doing rash things such as kidnapping the children in case you have been granted the custody. In that case, your divorce attorney might prove to be an essential assistant. He will obtain a restraining order from the judge in charge of the case. He will contact the police, a detective agency and the district attorney’s office. He will make use of all the connections that he has acquired through the exercise of his job, which you otherwise do not have access to. In addition, your lawyer will also provide you with the mental support you need in order to pass through the situation.

On the other hand, it can be the case that your spouse will never become too emotional, but that he or she will become too calculated. Your spouse may take on the divorce as a personal crusade against you. He or she can start keeping things from you and make reserves of money so that it does not get divided through the divorce procedure. If this happens, again, a well-chosen San Diego divorce attorney may get you out of the trap. Your lawyer will show you what the best way to handle your financial situation is in such a way as to secure your assets and to end up with a tax statement that is to your benefit. Through his solid knowledge of the family law and financial legislation of California, a good San Diego divorce attorney may get you rid of numerous expenses that you may not expect, neither can handle.

If you are searching for information about how to choose a San Diego divorce attorney, then click this link for relevant content.

About The Author:
Amelie Gam
Article Source: NewFREEArticles.com

Just Divorced

Margarita’s husband just left her for another woman. Her world has collapsed. She feels rejected, betrayed, hurt, depressed, belittled, shamed, fearful, bitter, injustice and anger and even revenge at times.

She fears that she will not be able to cope with life alone. She fears that she will not find another man now at her age and with two children. She fears engaging in another relationship, because this one did not work and she can not stand going through this trauma again. She fears that alone she will not be socially acceptable, that she will not have much in common with her married friends.

She feels rejected because he preferred another woman and hurt because he did not treat her with respect and love. She is depressed because he feels tired and helpless to do anything to better her life. If she did not have the children, she would crawl into a bed and do nothing. She feels shamed and demeaned as a woman, that she has lost her self-worth as a woman, because she was not able to keep her husband’s interest.

She feels anger and thinks of revenge because she believes that he is to blame for her unhappiness and her helpless situation. She would like to make him hurt as she is hurting.

On the other hand she also feels guilty. Perhaps she also made a number of mistakes. She was always nagging him and never satisfied with him as a person. One might ask her why she is so unhappy that he left, when she never had a good word to say about him, and never really accepted him or respected him. It is no wonder that he sought out someone who would accept him.

What could Margarita's lessons be?
What can she learn from this situation?

Could it be that she has to learn some of the following lessons:

To realize that she can be happy and secure without him?

To realize that her self-worth is not dependent on whether he wants to be with her or prefers her to all others?

To learn to be happy and fulfilled within herself?

To learn to forgive and love and accept him even if he prefers not to be with her at this time, or even if he prefers to be with someone else?

To examine within herself to see what she may have done which might have made him unhappy or unfulfilled?

To free herself from the belief that she will be abandoned again?

To overcome her attachment to the other, or to having a partner at all?

To free herself from any beliefs which conclude that she does not deserve to have a happy relationship?

To free herself from negative childhood experiences which may have created a negative subconscious image of relationships?

To learn to give and take with a wider circle of persons and not limit her love to only one person?

To be more positive and less demanding and less attached in her relationships?

To give more of herself to the other?

That life is giving her exactly what she needs for her next step in her evolution?

To learn to be more satisfied with and encouraging to her next partner?

Participating in a self-knowledge group will help her to discover what she needs to learn and support her in that process.

About the Author:
Robert Elias Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach. Over 600 free article and lectures at www.HolisticHarmony.com/
Content Provider: http://www.my-articles.com

Dating After Divorce

A couple of generations ago divorce carried a rather onerous social stigma. This made starting over almost impossible, but this is no longer the case in our society. This change has not come from a positive improvement, but rather the sad fact that divorce has become much too common. When you seek to begin dating after divorce you can take comfort from the fact that you are far from alone.

Knowing you have a lot of company, however, does not always make it any easier to begin. There are still a couple of pitfalls you are going to have to avoid. The main one is “letting go”. If you are seeking to date to teach your ex a lesson, or to get back at them, or really for any reason that in any way relates to your ex, you are not ready yet, and need to deal with that issue first. Stay on task here, you are not trying to change the past, but to enjoy the present, and maybe even begin the future. Put another way: make sure the door is closed before you open a window.

Another way you can let the past screw up your attempts to move on and get back into circulation, is to base your dating expectations on the qualities you liked or disliked about your ex. In other words, if you just divorced a tall one, don’t confine yourself to short ones in the hope you won’t make the same mistake again. Your potential dates certainly have a right to be judged on their own merits, and not by how they stack up to your ex. A little Golden Rule application here would be helpful. Remember your date is most likely “dating after divorce” too, and you wouldn’t want to be constantly compared either.

The most important thing to remember is you must not be hampered by a sense of failure. It is important to realize that the relationship failed, not you, and usually not your ex either. If you can not accept this, and approach the dating world free from an excessive amount of guilt, you might find a lot of dates, but you can be pretty sure you are not going to be a good date yourself. Start fresh, and start free, and be happy again. You most likely deserve it.

About The Author:
Ron Zvagelsky has a degree in Business Administration from the University of Southern California. He graduated Magna Cum Laude in May 2006. He is currently the Chief Executive Officer of PlanJam – where you can find fun date ideas and romantic date ideas.
Article Submitted On: October 31, 2006
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

What A Divorce Lawyer Is Going To Do For You

Getting a divorce is not something anyone looks forward to and it is certainly not something that we plan for when we get married. Unfortunately divorce is a reality for many people in many different situations. If you are getting a divorce or even just considering it then you need to be sure to choose the right divorce lawyer.

You will find many a divorce lawyer in your area but be aware that not all of them are as good as others. You need to have the best divorce lawyer that you can afford when it comes to your divorce. If you don't you could end up paying much more than you though and I am not talking about the divorce lawyer fees. I am talking settlement or even alimony or palimony. Then there is custody to consider if you have children. So take care with your divorce lawyer choice.

When you are trying to get a divorce your divorce lawyer is going to petition the courts to get your marriage dissolved. This means coming to an agreement in terms of all property and money that you as a couple have had possession of. There are several grounds for divorce and your divorce lawyer will help you to choose the grounds that suit your particular situation the best. You will have the choice of adultery, time apart, unreasonable behavior and sometimes even fraud or irreconcilable differences are the way to go. Bottom line is that you should never make any important decisions concerning your divorce without first talking things over with your divorce lawyer. Your divorce lawyer is the professional who has the experience that will help you through this trying time.

What will your divorce lawyer be doing all of the time they are working for you? Your divorce lawyer will spend most of his or her time working on the distribution of conjugal property. How your property is divided will depend on a couple of things. Some of these things will be how much there is to begin with and how much belonged to whom before the marriage, the length of the marriage and the place in which you live. Every country, even every state has its own rules concerning the distribution of property and only your divorce lawyer will be able to help you make all of the right decisions.

Your divorce lawyer is considered to be your legal representation. This means that this divorce lawyer is the person who will often speak for you in court and out of court. Your divorce lawyer needs to be present at every meeting that you have with your spouse’s lawyer or your spouse. Never talk about the case without your divorce lawyer being present and on hand. You never know what you could say that could jeopardize your divorce case, it is far better to be safe than sorry.

About the Author:
George Royal
Lawyers HQ: everything you need to know about finding the right lawyer.
Article Source: www.iSnare.com

Joint Custody in Divorce

There had been a growing trend, in Ontario, in family and divorce law, over the last few years, for family courts to order joint custody of children. The hope, by some, was that the parenting skills of the parties could be improved with awards of joint custody. The recent Ontario Court of Appeal decision of Kaplanis v. Kaplanis, has tried to put this trend into perspective.

In this decision, the parties were married in 1998 and separated in January 2002. The parties had a daughter who was born in October 2001. At trial, the father requested joint custody and the mother opposed the application, stating that the parties could not communicate without screaming at each other. The trial judge granted the parties joint custody and the mother appealed the order. The appeal court set aside the order of joint custody and the mother was granted sole custody.

The Appeal Court held that, for an award of joint custody to be granted, there must be some evidence that demonstrates, that despite the parent’s own strong conflict with each other, the parties can and have cooperated and communicated appropriately with one another. In this case there was evidence to the contrary, there was no expert evidence to help the trial judge determine how a joint custody order would advance the child’s emotional and psychological needs and the child was too young to communicate her own wishes.

Approximately the same time this case was decided, the Ontario Court of Appeal also ruled on the case of Ladisa v. Ladisa, where the appeal court upheld the trial judge’s order of joint custody. In this case the trial judge had the benefit of hearing the evidence of the Children’s Lawyer who presented the children’s wishes and who recommended joint custody. It was held that the trial judge had heard evidence from third parties with respect to cooperation and appropriate communication between the parties. The trial judge also looked at the history of co-parenting during the marriage and that despite their intense conflict, the parties could and had effectively communicated with each other and placed the interests of their children ahead their own, when required.

To summarize, in Ontario joint custody cases, it would appear that the courts will now be looking more closely for evidence from third party and expert witnesses, which can demonstrate that the parties can and have cooperated and communicated appropriately and have been able to put aside their own differences and conflict, for the benefit of the children. The lack of historical cooperation and appropriate communication between the parties will greatly limit the success of a joint custody application. The assumption by some, that the granting of joint custody will improve the parenting skills of the parties, will not be a sufficient reason on it’s own to grant joint custody, in the absence of existing good cooperation and communication between the parties.

About the Author:
Erwin Seltzer practices Family and Divorce Law and Wills and Estates Law in York Region and Toronto.
Erwin can be reached at (905) 474-4333 - www.erwinseltzerdivorcefamilylaw.itgo.com
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com

Do it yourself Lawyerless Divorce

Do-it-yourself lawyerless divorce can be particularly appealing to those out there who would like to save on those expensive legal fees from divorce attorneys. But you must keep in mind that do-it-yourself divorce isn't just about filing papers by yourself, you have got to discuss the terms of the divorce with the other party and make sure that the both of you can reach a decision regarding the division of property. Now this is where things can get complicated. The do-it-yourself divorce isn't for everybody. If the following conditions apply to you, then this approach to divorce may be possible:

* Your marriage has lasted for five years or less. A marriage that has lasted for longer than this amount of time may entitle one party to an amount of the other's retirement funds.

* You do not have kids. If you do have kids, a divorce attorney is normally needed to deal with child support and custody issues.

* There are only a small number of assets or debts involved. Many assets mean many properties to divide amongst the two of you. Many debts mean the same in terms of amounts to be paid. These types of situations may require the help of a professional in order to clarify any possible issues when dealing with fund transfer.

* Both parties have honest communication with one another. If there is no honesty and clear communication between one another, any form of agreement or negotiation will be hindered. A professional may be needed to mediate.

* Both parties are employed and self-supporting. If one party is unemployed, the other may be required to provide him/her with support and an attorney may be conferred with.

If you do decide on a do-it-yourself divorce, you will have to acquire the needed forms from on-line or a store in order to file the papers. You will be able to download the forms for a certain amount. Some state courts provide the forms for free. Just make sure to file the divorce papers in the appropriate county where you live.

Once you have finished with the papers, you should file them at the court nearest you. Included in these papers is a divorce petition which will require information regarding yourself, your partner, kids, and your properties. It must be notarized as well.

After this petition has been filed and the fee has been paid for (normally $200 in most states,) a summons will be issued by the court and the other party will be formally notified regarding your divorce file. If you and the other party cannot come to an agreement regarding the settlement, you may be forced to seek legal help.

Remember that a do-it-yourself lawyerless divorce needn't be as black and white as you may think it is. Consulting with an attorney or a mediator in order to seek some advice wouldn't hurt. If at anytime during the process you feel as if you are not sure of the procedures, by all means seek out some professional help.

For more information about getting a divorce, please visit Cheap Divorce.

About The Author:
Hope Ocampo
Submitted: 2006-10-19
Article Source: GoArticles

Divorce - Are You Feeling Cheated?

Are you feeling relieved after divorce or cheated? After many divorces people feel happy while in many rather more cases they feel cheated. Why? Divorce it self is a very painful process and the times that lead to divorce are more painful. The question is why get the sense of feeling cheated after getting divorce? Let us talk about this.

Relationship demands giving - People give a lot to their marriage; most of them do it except few. Right from the development of relationship, a lot of time, emotional energy and physical resources are given to make it work. During marriage the investment goes higher. Most of the partners want the marriage to work. There are exceptions that unbelievably want to destroy because of psychological problems. When cracks develop in the marriage, lot more effort is made to save the marriage and when the marriage breaks after putting in so much effort, one feels cheated.

Is this true for all?
This is not true for all. There are few individuals who do not give anything in marriage. They ask for it. The demand and contribute nothing. That is the game of selfishness played by them. So these people will never feel cheated. They will only feel bad that they lost an easy victim.

What should you do?
The only way out is to forget the losses. Try to erase the past as much as possible. This will be difficult, but break the pain bit by bit. Work on it and it will go away one day. Try to forge another relationship and forget what went wrong. Cut your losses as soon as possible.

About The Author:
The author, C.D.Mohatta writes fun quizzes & tests on topics like love, personality, dating, relationships, friendship, business, etc. The author writes for free ecards on holidays, birthday, love, friendship, family and all events and occasions. One more site associated with the author has free arcade games which surfers can play online.
Article Source: NewFREEArticles.com

One Worthless Woman After Another - Breaking the Cycle of Divorce

It's not uncommon these days for people to divorce and remarry several times. I've personally counseled men and women who have gone though 8 and 9 divorces by the age of 40. Every time, the man or woman complains that each spouse turned out to be just like the last one. They can never understand how they keep marrying for the same nagging, controlling, selfish, angry "piece of garbage" that they just divorced. The following letter I recently received is a good example of this seemingly never-ending cycle:

"I divorced my first wife a year ago and married another woman several months ago. When we were dating, I thought my new wife was really different, but she's already nagging me, telling me what to do, and complaining about what I don't do for her—just like the first wife did. Why do women turn out to be so different than you thought? Are they just pretending when you're dating? I'm thinking about getting divorced again, but maybe I should wait. What do you think?"

What we all want most is Real Love—what I call 'unconditional love'—but when we can't get that—which is almost all the time—we settle for whatever makes us feel good temporarily: sex, money, entertainment, and the temporary approval of other people. Without Real Love, all those forms of Imitation Love seem like they make us happy, but the feeling never lasts.

That's what's happened with you and both your wives. Having little or no experience with Real Love, you were satisfied in the beginning with the physical beauty, conditional approval, sex, and whatever else you got from both women. And they were satisfied with the Imitation Love you gave them. But the effect of Imitation Love always wears off, and when that happened, you and your wives became dissatisfied. They began to complain that you weren't making them "happy" as you once did. They didn't realize—and you didn't either—that your relationship was based on the exchange of Imitation Love instead of on Real Love. Such a relationship can never be genuinely happy. Your relationships were pretty much doomed from the moment you met these women. None of this was intentional on their part or yours—you simply couldn't give each other Real Love you'd never received.

You're wondering why things were great in the beginning but then changed so much. Do women pretend to be something other than what they are? Yes, they do pretend, and so do men. We "put our best food forward" with people, not realizing that we're actually deceiving them in an effort to get them to like us. You and your second wife, for example, each put your best foot forward, and after you got married, you both discovered that there was "another foot" and a whole lot more you didn't count on. She was "happy" with you in the beginning because she liked your best foot—because she liked the Imitation Love you offered—but when the initial excitement wore off, she became unhappy and wondered why you didn't keep making her happy as you once did. She started nagging and making demands, hoping that if you gave her more Imitation Love she'd be happy. But of course that never works, because it was Real Love she needed.

The bottom line is this: You and your wives have tried to make each other happy without Real Love. That's impossible. You tried harder. Same result. So what's the solution? At this point the answer is certainly not to divorce your second wife. You'd be right back where you started—you wouldn't feel unconditionally loved, and you'd be certain to repeat this same pattern in your next relationship. What you need is to learn how to find Real Love—from your wife and others—and how to share it. You can read more about finding Real Love at http://www.RealLove.com.

With Real Love, you can't imagine how different your relationships can be. You'll discover—no surprise—that it's always about Real Love.

About The Author:
The world is literally dying from a lack of the one thing essential for our happiness—Real Love. We spend our entire lives trying to replace that unconditional love with praise, power, sex, money, entertainment, safety, and so on. But it never works, and the resulting emptiness and fear are almost too much to bear.
We don’t have to live like this anymore. Greg Baer and RealLove.com are teaching (1) the real cause of fear and anger and (2) how to find this Real Love that replaces the fear, anger, and conflict in our lives with peace, confidence, and genuine happiness.
Dr. Greg Baer is the author of 16 books, DVDs, and CDs—two of which are internationally published by Penguin Putnam Group—and has presented the life-changing message of Real Love to hundreds of thousands of people all over the world.
For more information on Real Love, including hours of free streaming video and audio, visit http://www.RealLove.com. You’ll be grateful for the rest of your life that you took this step.
Article Submitted On: October 18, 2006
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Dating After A Divorce

Divorce, no doubt is an intricate phase in one’s life, several issues have to be resolved, vivid memories of the past have to be deleted, self-esteem and confidence have to be rejuvenated, and the deep laceration that divorce leaves behind have to be provided healing touch. You may feel exasperated dealing with divorce trepidations, and in such a scenario you definitely will not have the time as well as energies to devote to dating. Several questions will impinge your mind simultaneously such as, “Would someone really want me?” or “Would anyone find me attractive?” or “Will I ever learn to date again?”

During excruciating divorce proceedings you may feel lonely and desire the camaraderie of someone. You may also find someone, but he/she may only be lending a sympathetic shoulder for you to cry up on and may soon be fed up of your problems with ex-spouse, children, in-laws or daily trips to New York lawyers firm. Do not rush into a new relationship in haste because it will be built on a weak foundation and in no time it will crumble. Moreover, it is not good to initiate a new relationship while the trails of the past relationship have still not disappeared, that is you are still in the last stages of your official or final separation. Not only will it save you some explanation in the court, but it will also speed up the process and free you in no time.

Now that you are single and ready to mingle, you should first focus on whether dating is right for you or not. Do not let others compel you to rush or go slow, take your own decisions. The divorce tempest must have left you perplexed. Give yourself some time to revert back to a normal being. Do things that lift up your spirits and make you feel more confident. Work on improving your own self and self-esteem. Take good care of yourself. Join a gym to tone up your physique, eat healthy, and get a facial, streaks in your hair and a manicure. Give yourself a complete makeover, buy new accessories, clothes, etc. This will help you to triumph over the horrendous past.

Take time to think about your children. Be prepared for their medley of reactions about your new relationship. They may be supportive or they may simply not support your new relationship. They may sabotage your dating plans, whine when you're on the phone, misbehave when your date arrives, fail to give you messages, and otherwise throw a wrench into your best-laid plans. Do not forget that your children have gone through the same grieving process as you have. Remember your date can possibly never replace their other parent, so give them time, eventually you will find your children beside you.

Resist the temptation of someone who is totally different from your ex-spouse. Remember, that there were a lot of things about your ex-spouse that appealed you once up on a time. For heaven’s sake do not indulge in any relationship just to wage revenge on your ex. Nobody relishes an emotional roller coaster ride. Your first relationship should be a healing experience. It should revitalize your feelings, and your emotions. It is the best time to rediscover yourself. It is not necessary that the first relationship should be a long one or last forever. Don’t be bog down if a break up occurs because at least you got a chance to wet your feet.

About the Author:
Anubha Shyam is studying computers and also works as a part time freelance writer. Her articles are regularly published at reputed websites. Read more articles written by Anubha at: http://datingsizzlers.blogspot.com/ and http://www.blogcharm.com/BollywoodSizzlers
Article Source: www.iSnare.com

Break Ups - A Way to Cope

To anyone that's been through one (and that's probably most), a break up in a relationship and be catastrophic. Some sufferers even feel that it is the 'End of the World'.

To anyone that's been through one (and that's probably most), a break up in a relationship and be catastrophic. Some sufferers even feel that it is the 'End of the World'. If you haven't ever had a bad relationship break up like this then you could probably sympathise with someone that has. In a lot of cases and even if the split was amicable, one or both parties can go through that same type of grief as bereavement would cause.

Break ups tend to occur for many reasons such as - infidelity, unsatisfied sex life, jealousy and so much more. In some cases, things that cause break ups can be taken into any new relationships, causing it to be doomed from the start. However this need not happen. Any person going through a break up can now get the help that they need and deserve to get their life back on track.

Research proves that divorce rates around the world have gone higher, and so has the number of heartaches, and break-downs. To address the negative emotions caused by a break-up, Hypnotherapy could be the only answer.

Break-ups can be ugly, and break-ups can be heart breaking. Break-ups can be devastating and break-ups can be tragic. But in all this emotional turmoil, how do you find yourself reacting? Do you view this event as the end of the world, or can you pick up the pieces of your broken heart and move on? Do you find yourself drowning yourself in your sorrow, or do you find yourself getting wiser from the experience. It's all a matter of perspective, but it is entirely possible to not lose hope and stay positive even when faced with troublesome times like a break-up or a divorce.

With a step-by-step hypnosis program you too can work towards a future, a future which you've always wanted but never could dream of achieving after your separation. Remember there is more to life than crying over a break-up. The only way to get out of a relationship is with one's head held high... and it's time you felt it for yourself.

With hypnosis you will be amazed just how quickly you see the benefits.

So why will it work? Because it prevents you from falling down like a house of cards. Because it helps you sustain your life force by bringing positivity into your outlook. Because it helps you nurture hope, which can be your sole means of surviving through this pain.

About The Author:
Richard MacKenzie is an expert in helping people get over Relationship Break Ups also check out his download for Break Ups
Submitted on 2006-08-28
Article Source: http://www.ArticlesAlley.com/

How to Tell Your Children About Divorce

Whether your divorce is amicable or contentious, when and how to tell your children can be a difficult issue. Your children may already know that there are difficulties in your home life and marriage, but you may be surprised at the level of their sophistication and knowledge about divorce. Even if they are relieved to hear that a difficult home life is about to change, do not ever underestimate the degree to which your divorce can impact your children. The adults are not alone in feeling the stress and hurt of a strained family situation. You must take special steps to insulate your children and help them through the divorce process.

There is not one simple outline that provides all of the right answers and information on how to guide your children through the divorce process. When and how to tell your children about the divorce will depend upon your individual family dynamics, the maturity of your children, the ages of your children, the conflict level in your house, and your own individual preferences. If you are unsure of how to present this issue, it is a good idea to obtain professional help to do so. Many counselors are well versed in addressing divorce issues with children and they are available to guide you through this process with your children.

The type of divorce situation presenting itself in your family will have some impact on how and when you present this issue to your children. If you and your spouse are amicable, and your divorce is low stress, your children may not even be aware of the possibility of a break up. While that means that the divorce conflict has not impacted upon the children as of yet, it does not mean that it will not. Your children might be even more affected by the news that you are divorcing if they were unaware that there were problems in your marriage. If you or your spouse has been working with a counselor, either together or separately, that counselor can lay out some simple strategies on how to tell the children. Basic information that you want to discuss with the counselor is whether you tell the children together or separately and what information you can or should give the children about what their living arrangements will be in the future.

It is never acceptable to disclose that you and your spouse are getting a divorce when you are in the middle of a conflict. To place blame on your spouse, or to provide information in a way that conveys blame or fault may make you feel better in the short run. In the long run it will hurt your children, and it will impact your long term relationship with the children's other parent. Also, courts frown on providing children with adult level information and details about your divorce. Do so and you risk hurting your legal case, if your divorce will be presented to a judge.

Most counselors will support a joint parental communication to the children about the pending divorce. However, a joint discussion about divorce with the children does require that you and your spouse be able to maintain a basic level of civility, if for no other reason than to maintain your children's peace of mind. If you and your spouse cannot be civil, do not attempt to discuss this issue together with the children.

If your marriage has been rife with conflict, your children may be aware of or even welcoming the relief of a parental separation and/or divorce. Do not be surprised if you find out that your children know more than you thought, even if you have been attempting to conceal the conflict from them.

The issues that your children want to be reassured about involve where they will live, where they will go to school, whether their activities and daily lives will be disrupted, and the degree to which they will be able to maintain their relationship with each parent. Teenagers can be particularly vulnerable and sensitive to disruption in their lives and schedules. If you are able to work out a parenting schedule with your spouse, it is acceptable to share that with the children to reassure them. It also can be acceptable to involve the children in the process of setting a schedule. However, that issue can be very delicate. You do not want children dictating to the adults and you do not want the children to have limited contact with either parent.

Above all else, do not discuss marital fault issues or the reason for the divorce with your children. Even if you think that your spouse is the worse miscreant on the planet, that spouse is your children's parent. Your children want to and are entitled to love both parents. That a spouse cannot make a marriage work does not dispossess them of the right to be a parent. More important, it does not dispossess the children of the right to love that parent and have a relationship with the parent.

Consider that you may have a range of reactions from your children about the pending divorce. They may not be surprised. Or, they could be upset and shocked. In many cases, even when they are not surprised, the children might be angry or blame themselves. Work with a professional to address all of these emotional reactions. Your children will adjust to your divorce, if you provide the proper guidance and assistance during that process.

About the Author:
Jean Mahserjian is an attorney and the author of numerous websites and books devoted to helping consumers through the process of divorce. To download free excerpts from her divorce and custody books, visit: www.millenniumdivorce.com
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com

There Is A Fine Line Between Love And Hate - After Break Ups

There is a fine line between love and hate. No more is this seen than in the aftermath of a complicated break up or divorce. And if you have ever been unfortunate enough to have experienced this, you will understand exactly what I mean. It seems that when relationship troubles start to surface we try our hardest to make things work. This in actual fact can be catastrophic if the relationship has issues that are being ignored and for want of a better phrase 'swept under the carpet' in the quest for superficial happiness. This type of 'first aid' seems good for the short term, however if the original issues are not dealt with then this can cause an explosive end to the relationship.

If you are going through a break up at the moment, then use this time as an opportunity. Think about how you can make your future relationships better, who knows you may even wish to try and rekindle your old one. One way that you can solve many past and present issues is by using Hypnotherapy. Hypnosis is great for working on issues like this as it deals directly with the area of you mind that makes you - YOU! For years Hypnosis has been widely considered one of the best ways to do things like Stop Smoking, Lose Weight and Manage Stress; however it can now be applied to many Relationships issues, such as Jealousy, Anger Management and Infidelity. Hypnosis can also be used successfully on sexual issues including Impotent, Premature Ejaculation, Improved Female Orgasm and Frigidity including others.

In Hypnosis you will become very relaxed, but will remain completely aware of what is going on around you. A lot of people have some very misguided opinions of Hypnosis, which makes life interesting for me to say the least. The biggest question that I get asked is 'Does it work?'. This one always makes me laugh! Hypnosis is a science. As a hypnotherapist I spend my life researching what makes people do what they do and also why they feel the way that they feel. I then work with them to find away to change this so that that can do what the WANT to do and feel the way that they WANT to feel.

So if you are experiencing troubles in your relationship or you need some help getting over a break up or divorce, then you should seriously consider using Hypnosis. The technique is so mainstream now that you can even get instant downloads from the internet to help you with a whole host of issues.

About The Author:
Richard MacKenzie is a Pro when it comes to helping people trough Breaks Ups he also have a successful Break Ups Hypnosis Download
Content Provider: http://www.my-articles.com

Break-ups And Guilt

How many break-ups also result in feelings of guilt amongst partners? Please take care of guilt before you break-up. Guilt can be a very damaging feeling and can make any life hell. Those who are full of guilt undergo lot of pain asking for forgiveness everywhere, but fail to forgive themselves.

Why guilt? Guilt comes if you have done any wrong that has not been corrected. If you have done wrongs with your partner and refuse to acknowledge them before break-up that will be very painful afterwards. Let me tell you something. Most of us never believe that we have done any wrong. As time passes we realize our wrongs and by that time all is lost. The feelings of guilt therefore take over after that and make life impossible.

Remedy - If you have decided to break-up, please go ahead. Please do what I suggest before you break up. Please ask your partner about what all he/she feels what done wrongly by you. Ask them to tell you about everything, not missing even the smallest detail. Without any arguments, please say sorry for all that. Do not argue. I know that you would not agree with most of the accusations and get angry and protest furiously. But refrain doing that. Say sorry, and apologize profusely and after that try to forget everything. Forgive yourself and continue with your life. This way you will be saving yourself from tremendous amount of guilt that may come afterwards. Act in time before breaking up.

About The Author:
The author C.D.Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas on love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for desktop wallpapers and screensavers on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, etc. One more site recommended by the author has fun flash games which surfers can play online.
Article Source: NewFREEArticles.com

How To Avoid Divorce

Every marriage hits a rough spot occasionally. And while not every marriage should attempt to be salvaged, a great many more than are saved today should and can be through concerted efforts. So, the first step in avoiding divorce is recognizing that the fact that you have come to this point in your relationship is not unusual, but it does indicate that something must change if it is to survive. But before you go through a mental litany of everything that needs to change as justification for giving up, realize that there is help out there and if you are willing to put in the time and commitment, you can make your marriage work even when it seems that you and your partner have reached the end of the road.

Marriage Counselling

Marriage counselling can be a very effective instrument in putting a marriage that seems to be going down the divorce path back onto the right track. Counselling helps couples to identify the root of their marital problems and solve them with a little help from a professional counsellor trained in mediation. Finding an effective marriage counsellor, however, requires a bit of work on your part. Many counsellors will offer a free consultation. Ask for recommendations from friends, but in part you should call 10 or so counsellors, ask for their price packages ahead of time and then schedule consultations with the 3 or 4 that meet your pricing needs. Make sure that when you go into these consultations you grade the effectiveness on how BOTH you and your spouse feel about the individual.

Self Help

There are also many self-help tools available in the market today. There are some excellent books and articles on how to make marriages work, how to re-ignite the spark in a relationship and how a few simple steps can bring back the love in a relationship that had turned hateful. Both partners can get a lot of inspiration, advice and ideas on how to make relationships work from such books and articles. You can even find help when you think there is infidelity in your marriage. There are books and articles out there, which tell you why people cheat or stray out of line and what you can do about it.

The common thread in all of these self help guides is communication and understanding. By making an effort to understand where your spouse is coming from, and them where you are, and then making compromises and communicating, most marital problems will become alleviated.

Resorts

Then there are many resorts that are specially designed to create an ambience which is conducive to romance. These vacation packages are easy to find and require only that you be on the look out. The point of these resorts is to reinvigorate a relationship by introducing some of the passion and spontaneity that over time can be watered down by obligations and daily responsibilities. These events attempt to eliminate outside stresses so that you can focus on your spouse, and in so doing rekindle the love you feel for one another.

All in all, if you are willing to put in your best efforts to stop your marriage from slipping away, there is now help at hand and you need not have to fight alone. By utilizing the tools of counsellors, self help and resorts you can go a long way to giving your marriage the best chance for survival. But beyond survival, these tools can help ensure you a happy lifelong relationship.

About the Author:
Jonathan Brown recommends that you visit http://www.ottawamarriage.com/ for more information on how to avoid divorce.
Article Source: www.iSnare.com

Five Good Reasons I Stopped Seeing My Son After Divorce

How could there be five good reasons to stop seeing your son I hear you ask. When I felt Jesus tell me to step out of my son’s life it was a hard day indeed. My wife had re- married and felt that her new husband would be more than adequate as a father to my son without me in his life. The choice not to fight for my rights was one that took me six months to decide before I gave in to the Holy Spirit.

First reason

My wife wanted it that way.

It made no sense to me to fight with my wife. It was her wish that I step out of my son’s life and it was unloving toward her to force my will against her will on this issue. She had just entered a new marriage and she didn’t need the strain of an ex- husband coming round every second week and having her son bring home stories. I was a mistake in her life and it was best to go and hide and stay in the cupboard and not come out and bring her life into shame.

I think many adults “grown adults” fight over children in a sort of emotional tug-of- war. It makes a lot of sense that a wife thinks you are no good if she is divorcing you and part of her motherly instinct is to get a good provider for your child. Part of that is being the father who loses a wife and loses your children. I heard one report in my country that up to 40% of divorced males do not see their children, that is very sad if that is true. I am one of those 40% and yet I am not fighting over my child and I am respecting my child’s mothers wishes and staying out of the way.

Second reason

My Lord wanted it that way.

My Lord Jesus made it quite clear that we are not to go to court and fight with a brother. In order to enforce custody rights I would have to take my wife to court and this was against the command of Jesus in the Gospels. Added to this the Lord Jesus told me quite clearly in my mind to walk away from the fight and trust in Him.

I look at Abraham who was asked to offer Isaac on an altar one day. The pain that would have sought to make Abraham disobey that command, is just too hard to contemplate. So walking away from my son caused me great pain but the Lord God Almighty had a reason for it and He is the one full of promises for His followers in the Bible and so all I can do is trust Him.

Third reason.

Her new husband wanted it that way.

I have a lot of respect for a man that takes on an unmarried single woman with a child. I have a great admiration for the man who married my former wife. He got a pretty girl and a wiser woman and I pray that they are going really well. As a man he didn’t want me coming round and upsetting his wife. He made it clear that he agreed with my former wife’s decision not to allow me access to my child.

I had to think. What was best for my child, to honour his mother and his new father’s desire or force my own self will against that of the Lord. I chose to bow down and take the fall. I was promised and re-assured that one day my son would return and I would be re-united with him. He is fifteen years of age today and so I don’t have long to go, as around 18 I am hoping he will come looking for me.

Fourth reason

My son would not have wanted his mother fighting with me.

My son would have suffered in two ways. He suffered in the way his mother hurt me and he suffered when I got angry at his mother and he was a helpless eight year old that was stuck in the middle. Though he would have missed me it would have been easier on him I am sure over the years than it has been on me.

There is an untold sort of damage that I could have done, disobeying his mother’s wishes. After all she is his mother however flawred I might think she was, she was his only mother and anything I did that was to make his mother upset would have hurt my son. So for my son’s best interests I simply gave up the fight and walked away.

Fifth reason

I did it for my good also.

At the beginning of September 2006 a friend of mine that can hear from God told me that God was sad I broke up with my wife but He broke us up as she had many breakdowns scheduled for my life. She helped me into my first breakdown and if I had have disobeyed the Lord and stayed in touch with my son, an evil presence from her would have seen to more suffering.

Two weeks ago this was comforting as it was coming up to father’s day one of my saddest days of the year. I would have never thought that all of my tears that have been shed since I lost my boy would have worked to my benefit but today I can see the wisdom in it now.

It’s hard to understand how evil spirits can reside in a Christian, but the fact of the matter is that they can. It was pretty powerful witchcraft that led to my first nervous breakdown and I could never understand what gave my wife such wisdom. Little did I know I was dealing with a fallen angel and all his knowledge.

I would not suggest any man leave children but if you find that your ex-wife wants you to stop seeing the children perhaps you might make the peace by agreeing. If your children are old enough perhaps you can write to them. I cry many tears and would be pleased to pray with you if you contact me.

God bless you

About The Author:
Matthew Robert Payne shares his faith on the streets of Sydney through conventional evangelism and prophetic evangelism, he preaches sometimes at the churches he attends, and is part of an online prayer website where he prays for people online at http://www.online-prayer.net
He writes articles here each week when he gets the time and would love to hear from you if you have a question for him.
Article Submitted On: October 09, 2006
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Divorce: Infidelity

Divorce is usually most bitter when it is all about adultery. There’s no way around it. Hurt feelings and anger seem to fuel the divorce but rage surrounds it and it causes too much animosity for all parties concerned. Unfortunately, infidelity is often the main cause for divorce. However, there are ways to get through it and move on with your life.

Divorcing your spouse is one of the most trying times in your life. You may have heard it said that the person would’ve rather experienced death than divorce. Add in the cause for divorce as being adultery, and the pain is often too much to bear.

Adulterous relationships almost never work out in the long run so if you are the victim in the relationship, then find comfort in that fact. However, many times your spouse doesn’t want a divorce but they don’t want to give up their other relationship. You must move on irregardless. Otherwise, the hurt will become a very big part of your relationship and will consume you.

While some relationships go on to thrive after infidelity, you may be surprised if you do your own research about adultery. Once it starts, it seldom ends because there is often something that the other person needs and they weren’t finding it at home before an affair and they likely won’t find it after the initial affair.

It is also important to remember that while approaching the ‘other woman’ or the ‘other man’ may make you feel better, there is no reason for you to approach them. It is likely they knew your spouse was indeed married and the only thing the other person will shed light on is how much that they know about your relationship with your spouse which will only cause you more pain.

Divorcing because of adultery, regardless of what you are told by a psychologist, is a very viable option and you need to do it. Seldom will you find life after adultery fulfilling. Your spouse may, but who cares. He or she is not worth your self-esteem being lowered. While you may want to work things out and that is very noble of you to show a forgiving heart, things will never be the same. And you will never have the key elements of marriage again.

While you may find this key piece of advice comical, there is only one way to get past the element of adultery if you decide to stay in a marriage after infidelity and that is to

have an affair yourself and make sure your husband or wife knows about it. Then, when they ask why or how you could do this to them ask for forgiveness, be sincere in your sorrow for hurting them and then assure them that you can get past it. See if they can live with it and make the most of a new start. The other person won’t like the feelings of betrayal anymore than you did.

About the Author:
George Williams is a attorney enthusiast who owns Asbestos Attorney, Asbestos Attorney and Atlanta Attorney. Visit today for more articles.
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com

Getting a Divorce

Many of today's marriages have divorce as end results. Typically, both parties in the divorce process aim to resolve all issues that is between them like property division, child custody and support. If you are planning to get a divorce, here are some basic guidelines for:

1. Once you and your spouse have decided to get a divorce, do everything that you can to keep your relationship peaceful and quarrel-free. Fights, misunderstanding and conflicts can only make your divorce look very ugly.

2. Make it a point that you consult lawyer. Divorce is a very difficult ordeal and a guidance of a lawyer will help you. It is important to have the legal advice of an attorney for you to be aware that you are on the right track. An attorney will enlighten you of the divorce process and other immediate options in your state. Every state offers a divorce law that may be different from another state. It will be best that you will make a research on the divorce laws implemented on your own state. Work closely with the lawyer so that you will be able to discuss with him the reasonable results expected and so that there will be no loser on any of the opposite parties. You can also visit your local family department for initial advice and they may be able to refer you to some qualified attorneys.

3. Make a rundown of your financial documents, retirement and financial accounts. You also need to close any joint accounts that you may have with your spouse. You can divide equally the savings that were accumulated during the marriage. Be aware of any debts regardless if it was paid or incurred. This includes house repair expenses, credit cards and other bills. Also make a research on the pension plans of your spouse and other savings.

4. Track the financial support that you give to your child. It is recommended that you checks instead of cash to have written proofs that you are doing your responsibility. Maintain the lines of communication with your lawyer. You have to disclose to your attorney all your assets so that he may be able to advise you and prepare any forms that you may need.

5. Getting a divorce is a long process and will take much of your time. This factor may also vary depending on the state you are in. You need to be ready of the fact that divorce includes a long procedure. It would sometimes 6 months to three years for a hearing to begin

6. If you have children, custody plan should be negotiated. There are courts that offer consultation service for free. Child custody including visitation is one issue that needs to be decided.

7. Know the three paths where you may proceed to during the divorce. They are the Litigation, Mediation and Collaboration. Litigation involves two attorneys who prepare all the documents, court hearings and negotiate during the whole divorce process. Both parties communicate only through the lawyers who represent them. The Litigation process is usually expensive and is a lengthy process. Mediation, on the hand, parties work together with a neutral attorney. The attorney does not favor any side. The role of the lawyer is to only make both parties learn each other's needs and expectations. The two parties will then be responsible with the process. They can also hire a separate lawyer to assess the agreement that was made. This procedure has lesser stress and cost. The third path is the Collaboration. With his procedure, the both parties will retain their own lawyers. With this procedure, the lawyers and the couple work together. This will reduce the stress, costs and delay.

8. Seek counseling for emotional help. This will help you be enlightened if it is divorce that you really want or you are just unhappy with the marriage. Counseling and seeking advice is important to regain your happiness. Make sure that you are prepared to face the process of divorce. Sometimes, divorce may be difficult to handle because of some issues causing such decision. You need to be emotionally and spiritually ready to overcome it. You are the one that controls your destiny and therefore should make a wise decision that is based on logical thinking and emotional stability

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