Post Divorce: A New Beginning

The divorce is finally over.

No more fighting over who gets to keep the home and other real estate. Those leather couches, and the expensive art hanging on the walls of your summer home. A drop in the bucket compared to the company that both of you slaved over to build or the family pet that made your kids so happy. The whole process almost landed you in Bankruptcy Court. But even now, all that looks small compared to the most important issue of all: child custody. But hey—all of this is over. Resolved. Now you can breathe a sigh of relief. You’ve probably been wondering about your future – without your x. Yes, being single again definitely has its benefits. Maybe you’re going out more, enjoying life, and watching your diet. It’s those little things you haven’t enjoyed in a long time that suddenly make life worth living–again.

Most people who choose divorce and feel this kind of relief, are –in the end--happy with the decision they made. What you both needed was peace. And now you have it. And happy to have a new chance to find that RIGHT special someone to build a life together. But that’s not where the story ends. You might wake up one day, and feel like changing your life completely. Maybe you decide that your financial security and personal happiness are somewhere, anywhere other than where you are right here and now. Somewhere outside of New York you may be thinking. Maybe a better job is waiting in another state. Maybe you have health reasons or better yet, a new relationship. A voice deep in your heart keeps telling you to move. So maybe you do need a new start: to realize your dreams, to focus on your career, and to build a new home. You have every right to want to leave the old memories behind. But how can you do that when you see the same places you once shared? And with someone who may have broken your heart. So, a new opportunity and a new chance to build a new life in a new state with new friends sounds great. Even Newsweek lists the ten best cities to go live in. You might be thinking that you’ll go to the web looking for info sites detailing how to build a healthy home. Now, maybe you decided your destiny is to live with the stars under the shining lights of Hollywood. And well, hey at least the weather is nicer, the water is clean and the sand is soft. Right? But what about your fantastic plans to leave the country? If you plan on taking the kids anywhere out of the country or even out of the state, here’s what you need to consider.

Planning is everything.

First, leaving with your kids without permission from your x spouse, is against the law. In fact, it’s a serious felony called “Parental Kidnapping”. Most attorneys know very well that the FBI works in cooperation with local law enforcement agencies to ensure that parental kidnappers are brought to justice. They are arrested. They are prosecuted. And they are sent to prison. Unfortunately, some parents think more with their heart than their minds. The result? A tragedy for everyone. Parents--no matter how good their intentions-- who get arrested for kidnapping their own children, have to hire a criminal defense lawyer. But wait--that’s money that could be better spent improving your life. Not exactly what you had in mind. So how do you take your children legally without hassles and headaches?

What does the law say?

First, if possible, get permission. If asked nicely, maybe your x-spouse would agree to give you sole custody of your child and eliminate the need to proceed to Court. If you obtain sole custody this way, you do not need to read on because you are almost home. However, if that is not possible then your former spouse may agree on a joint custody agreement with a passport waiver clause. Such a clause would allow you to apply for a passport on behalf of your child without the need to consult with your former spouse, and thereby giving you the option of going abroad on vacation, with your child - in peace. However, if your mission is to live with you child permanently out of state, the custody agreement needs to say that-- exactly and clearly. In New York, the law says that barring parental permission, a spouse or a custodial parent may take the children out of the state by Court Order. Usually, when there’s been a difficult relationship between both x- spouses, one spouse will not permit the other to take the kids out of state, much less the country. In these situations, the former spouse may try to use your desire to move as an opportunity to get money from you. The usual offer is that they’ll let you leave the state, if you agree to drop all child support proceedings or any existing child support court orders. If that happens to you, the most logical step is to go to Court. Normally, a Family Court Judge decides whether or not the relocation out of state with the child would be allowed.

It’s your choice—use your voice.

Understanding the practical reasons behind the legal challenges that you’ll face, are easier to accept when you fully appreciate the intentions behind them. The way the law sees it, in you taking your child outside of the state of New York, you are effectively denying your x-spouse their visitation rights. In turn, this basically deprives your former spouse of a meaningful opportunity to maintain a close relationship with your kids. Now you may say that your x-spouse is welcome to visit anytime, or that you’ll send the child back to New York anytime that your x wants. And in order to do this you may ultimately be prepared to drive the kids cross state lines, both to and from your former spouse’s home (like taking a cross-country road trip every weekend). Maybe the fact that your move would make it much more difficult for your former spouse to exercise their visitation rights does not entirely dampen your desire for geographical relocation. However, you should understand that a Court must seriously consider the well being of the child first and foremost.

Specifically, they consider the following seven issues:

1. Whether the move would be in the child's best interest.
2. Whether it is feasible for your former spouse to make a similar move to the same state.
3. Whether your move involves an economic hardship or necessity. (e.g. a job offer).
4. Whether your move involves a new marriage to someone who lives in the state where you’re moving.
5. Whether you’re moving for health and medical reasons.
6. Whether your move will negatively impact the relationship between the child and your x.
7. Whether your former spouse has a good faith reason for opposing the move.

There’s one part of this that really isn’t understood by most parents, is the “Best Interest Test”. This test is the way the Courts try to understand the effect that the move may have on any of your family relationships. In determining what the child needs most, the Courts generally look at many things. For example, whether your move will hurt your child's ties to your former spouse and the community. These reasons are generally looked at by the Court when those ties are very strong. So if your child has a hard time getting along with your former spouse (and the blame is not attributed to you) then those possibilities are not weighed as heavily.

Sample Case.

If your parents and your former spouse’s parents are also in New York and you’re planning on moving to New Jersey, then it’s also likely that your children will not see their grandparents as much as they would have in the past. The quality of the parental relationship usually suffers as a result of moving. The same is true of your child’s relationship with their grandparents. If your child has a hard time getting along with their grandparents (and the Court decides is not your fault) then you have a better case for getting Court approval for the move. However, most judges usually have enough experience to know when the former spouses are trying to hurt each other by proposing or opposing a residential move. Generally, although a Court may deny you of the right to move with the kids, most “good faith requests” are seldom denied.

In the end, it all works out.

Ultimately, it’s the Courts who determine, with the help of your lawyer, (and based on all of the proof you have) whether you have proven that the welfare of your child will not be hurt by a move.

About the Author:
Odalis M. Encarnacion is a New York City Family Lawyer in private practice. For more information about him visit him on the web: http://www.encarnacionlaw.com
Article Source: www.iSnare.com

How the Internet Causes Divorce

In Great Britain one of the common reasons for divorce is the Internet. An important polling firm in England has discovered that 1 out of 10 people (Around 90,000) has claimed the Internet as one of the major reasons for ending a marriage that often ends in divorce. The findings of the poll indicate that married men and women both experience hardship when their mates become addicted to the Internet. Pornography and Gambling sites as well as Chat Rooms and Searches for old friends from back in the day when things were simple. The most endangered of becoming divorced are generally young men and women between 25 and 35 years old, the most computer literate group, as older men and women especially blue collar workers are less likely to suffer because they are computer illiterate. Only the more educated are likely to have marriage problems with the Internet. There are always exceptions but for the most part this is the rule. The good news is if you are computer literate and the Internet had destroyed your marriage you can apply for divorce online and meet someone brand new who you can divorce later!

About the author:
Jeffrey Broobin is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life.
Website: http://www.legalhelpmate.com
Email: jeffreyb@legalhelpmate.com
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What Is Divorce Mediation

When seeking a divorce, it is very important to choose the right legal advice to fight for you. Instead of working with a lawyer, it is better to work with a trained mediator as it offers lots of help, and relief in the divorce proceedings.

If both spouses decide on a single divorce mediator, they can share the cost, which may be about $1,000 to $5,000 total. With separate lawyers, each will have to pay a retainer of $1,500 just to start the proceedings. With divorce mediation, it is you, the couple who decides on how quickly or slowly the divorce decisions are made and the terms of the divorce in the Marital Settlement Agreement. Everything here is done through an agreement unlike a divorce where the attorneys set dates and judges, which takes time.

When applying for a divorce, you may face difficulties understanding laws and the paperwork that is involved with it. However with divorce mediation, all the paperwork is done by your mediator. The trauma the children face in a divorce is less with divorce mediation as they know that the parents are working together, and will not involve them.

With a divorce mediation, your marriage ends on a happier tone, where you can face your future with a better attitude. There is no steadfast rule that you have to give up going to the court with divorce mediation. If you are not satisfied with the rulings of the mediator, you can always have an individual attorney and let the judge give the final judgment. Whatever was discussed in mediation will remain a secret, and the divorce proceedings start afresh.

You can avail of sufficient legal information from the divorce mediator on making fair and just decisions. Attorneys are not permitted to advise either party; only their client. However the mediator can discuss how the court may address issues relating to your case. The mediator also encourages you both to approach individual attorneys for legal advice before agreeing to the Marital Settlement Agreement.

With a divorce, there is always the possibility of anger getting out of control in the courtroom. However, with a divorce mediator, you can voice your emotions and with their help, come across a fair decision. There is no chance of your emotions controlling the decision making process. You can be sure that all information exchanged in divorce mediation is and remains confidential. You are both encouraged to see the positive sides in each other to reach an amicable agreement. This helps in retaining goodwill in matters needing future contact between the two like in parenting.

When choosing a divorce mediator, make sure that they are knowledgeable in family law and counseling, child development and meditation process. With a mediator, a team of mental health professionals and attorneys your divorce mediation runs better. Find out their experience as those with an experience of at least ten cases is the better choice. To find out the benefit of divorce mediation, listing out the pros and cons of your divorce proceedings will show you that the divorce mediation is indeed a better choice for you.

About the Author:
Melvin Ng
For more info on divorce mediation and getting divorced, please visit our website. Divorce Mediation
Submitted: 2006-09-19
Article Source: GoArticles

Learning From a Relationship Breakup

A divorce, separation or, in general, any loss of an important relationship is a painful experience. Such pain can seriously diminish our peace and happiness. We can, however, use this inner discomfort for our spiritual benefit. If we are thinking of separating, there are many lessons we need to examine before we can come to the conclusion that we must separate from someone. But if the other leaves us or this separation has already happened, we might be able to benefit from the following.

1. Our first lesson is to examine our behavior to see how we might have contributed to the problem. Only in this way can we create a new healthy relationship if we chose to.
In relation to this we might want to examine the following:

a. We may have been criticizing, complaining, rejecting or otherwise causing the other to feel unaccepted.
b. We may have been seeking continual affirmation in ways that may have been tiring for the other.
c. Our fears may have been causing us to be over sensitive and annoying.
d. Perhaps we were playing games of power, who is right or who is more successful.
e. We might have been playing roles such as the child, the parent, the savior, the holy one, the rebel, the teacher or some other role which may have affected the other’s behavior.
f. We may have guilt feelings that were making us vulnerable to the other’s words or behaviors.
g. Perhaps we were not communicating our needs clearly and effectively as an adult and were suppressing ourselves or complaining, criticizing or threatening.
h. We might have been projecting onto the other our childhood or other experiences.
i. The other might have been reflecting back to us our lack of self-esteem or self-respect.
j. We may have attachments that were coming between us.
k. We may have inner conflicts, which were reflecting back to us from the other.

2. We may need to learn to love the other in spite of his or her behavior, regardless of whether we stay with that person or not.

3. We can discover that we can live without this person and that happiness, security and love are internal states that are always within us, if only we allow ourselves to experience them.

4. We can use this opportunity to develop greater inner strength so as to feel confident and able to face whatever may come to us in the game of life.

5. Most of us will need to change our self-image. We need now to learn to accept, love and respect ourselves more, so that we do not create the same problem in our next relationship or in life in general.

6. By directing our energies in a spiritual direction and developing a relationship with God - the Universal Being, we are no longer so vulnerable or so dependent on others for our feelings of security and self-worth.

7. We may also need to learn that the other’s decision to leave may not be a rejection at all. He or she may love and respect us dearly but be forced by other needs to seek happiness elsewhere.

Our lessons might be separated into five categories:

1. We might need to learn to communicate more effectively, assertively and lovingly.

2. Perhaps we need to let go of some attachments, which are increasing our conflicts with others and diminishing our happiness.

3. Examine our behaviors that might be annoying the other.

4. Free ourselves from subconscious programmings, which limit our self-esteem and ability to attract the behaviors that we deserve.

5. Develop inner feelings of security, self worth and freedom.

Once our happiness, security and love have become internalized, we can experience unconditional love.

Although we need to make every possible step to heal our relationships, if and when a relationship breaks down, there is still much we can learn.

About the Author:
Robert E. Najemy, author of 25 books and life coach with 30 years of experience, has trained over 300 life coaches and now does so over the Internet. Become a life coach.
Over 600 free article and lectures at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com/
Article Source: http://www.articles2k.com

Free Divorce Forms Online

Are you and your spouse getting a divorce and trying to save money in the process? Finding Free Online Divorce Forms and Divorce Papers is a good way to start. Traditional divorces with attorneys can get very expensive. Most couples today are doing it the lawyer-less way. Divorce is stressful enough without lawyers creating more problems and adding to the stress.

When searching the Internet for Free Divorce Forms and Papers Online, you will no doubt also find the forms needed for a legal separation. You might want to do the legal separation first to protect yourselves from any financial damage your spouse may cause your credit history during the divorce process. Also, when you are searching for the forms needed for a do it yourself divorce you will came across much information that will help you to understand the divorce process and requirements. This is your chance to familiarize yourself with the entire process. There are going to be procedures to follow in order to finalize your divorce that you will need to take note of.

When you have found the needed Divorce Forms Online, your next step may be so look for some Free Divorce Advice Online. You'll want to make sure to do things in the order needed as well as to protect yourself during and after your divorce. During any divorce there are several factors to consider. Most often, Child Custody, Maintenance Payments, and Child Support are sticking points. These should always be discussed and agreed upon before moving on to the other issues. Remember to make sure the children's best interests are of the up most importance! Once you have agreed on the terms of custody and support, you'll be able to move on to the other issues. Don't let yourself get into trading any of these other issues for anything having to do with your children! The children are a separate issue all together and should be agreed upon first. Once that's taken care of, move on to issues like Division of Assets, Disputes about Property Division, Name Changes, Medical Support, Visitation for Grandparents and other family members, Vacation Times, and so on.

At this point you'll no doubt find yourselves getting frustrated. Always take the time to work things out on your own. Remember if you can't work it out with each other, the courts may end up deciding for you! Nobody wants to be told what is going to happen to their family! Remember, this is YOUR Divorce, not the courts, attorneys, or friends and family. Don't be influenced by others during this time.

If you find that all of the Free Online Divorce Papers are hard to understand and fill out on your own, look online for Divorce Forums and find someone who has or is currently going through the process and ask them for help. You will find that these people are always happy to help you out.

Try your best to not get bitter with your spouse. This is a time of compromise for both of you. The more you can agree upon with each other the easier the process will go and the faster you will be able to get on with your lives.

About the Author:
This article was written by Kriss Standke who is an accomplished Webmaster and publisher of Online Divorce Forms, Paternity Answers, as well as DNA Paternity Direct where he provides detailed and informative articles, tips, and advice on family issues like Paternity Testing and Divorce.
Article Submitted On: October 27, 2006
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

Deciding On Divorce ...

Deciding on divorce is a big decision. You should understand that you aren't a bad person just because you think you want a divorce. Your spouse is not automatically a bad person because he/she may be causing you to feel this way (or so you may think), you're just people, plain and simple.

The Mindset You Need To Make This Difficult Decision

You're reading this for a reason... because you have been thinking about divorce for one reason or another. Being in "limbo" is a horrible feeling because you can't really get rooted if you are in limbo... all you know is that you aren't happy and don't know what to do.

You may feel stuck in a rut or feel like you are wandering aimlessly. Whatever the case, not being certain of what will happen can be tough to swallow and only contributes to your being unhappy. Another reason that this is usually a tumultuous and arduous time for people who are in this stage of life because it usually involves self reflection and a heightened awareness that may never have been reached before in your life.

This can be most difficult and scary, but I assure you it is healthy in the long run. When doing this "inward reflection", you may find out some things about yourself that you may not like. You may recall some things you had forgotten. You may realize that this isn't all your fault or you may realize that you had a hand in leading yourself here too. Whatever happens from here on in, your mindset has to be conducive to being brutally honest to yourself.

Since this can be a gut-wrenching time in your life, you absolutely must realize that one serious danger you face is making the mistake of not being fully aware that people don't make clear decisions during heightened emotional times. You must remember that emotion clouds judgment and bad decisions are made when the wrong side of your brain produces something by using emotion rather than intellect.

This cannot be stressed enough... when making any decision or thinking deeply about a concept, make certain that you are logical and impartial to the best of your ability. You must be comfortable with finding flaws within yourself and realizing that those are flaws that you agree with. You must be ready to admit self guilt and self fault, or this won't work.

If you are thinking about ending your marriage, or are currently in the divorce process, the most important thing you need to do is accept responsibility for the outcome of your divorce. Because a woman's standard of living generally drops at least 30% after a divorce, the decisions that you make now can have a considerable effect on your future.

It is wise to establish a plan of action instead of going into your divorce blindly. Begin by being well informed and organized with the Divorce Record Keeper, a comprehensive divorce considerations help guide. This resource will enable you to keep track and record everything about your divorce from start to finish in a easy to reference fashion.

If it is inevitable that your marriage will end, utilize the following divorce considerations to protect yourself. Most importantly, if your spouse has initiated proceedings, do not sign anything until you are represented and informed by a lawyer. Also, do not use the same lawyer that is representing your spouse. Retain your own attorney to level the playing field and have fair representation.

The actual divorce process is controlled by the participants. Many people do not realize that not all divorces must end in contested courtroom proceeding.

Generally, once you have embarked on a contested divorce process, the types of proceedings from State to State are similar, but not identical. You should consult with a lawyer in your State about the specific process.

The length of your case may depend on the state and county that your case is filed in. It often depends on how crowded the court docket may be and often may take a year or more. If contested to trial.

Divorce lawyers can provide sound legal advice and help you avoid costly mistakes when your marriage ends. The divorce process involves many legal technicalities that can affect your well being (as well as your children's) for many years to come. If you are considering a divorce, or if your spouse has initiated divorce proceedings, the first thing that you need to do is consult a divorce attorney who specializes in family law. Don't take any action that can affect your rights before seeking legal counsel. To protect your best interest, don’t use the same divorce lawyer that your husband has retained.

You can begin your search for a divorce lawyer by seeking referrals through friends and family, your state bar association, or searching for divorce lawyers in the directories found on the internet. Look for lawyers who are willing to work with you and fight for your rights.

Once you have identified some potential divorce lawyers, you need to set up an interview to get information on how your case will be handled and to see if there is good rapport between you and the lawyer.If you and your spouse can agree on how to divide your property and settle issues related to your children, you might consider an filing out your own forms.

About the Author:
Michael Sanford
For more information on Divorce please visit the Divorce resource center at http://www.divorce-explained.info
Article Source: www.iSnare.com

Divorce Online in Minutes

Legal Helpmate provides an easy-to-use, quick, and economical online method for creating completed legal forms from our site for your uncontested divorce (either no-fault divorce or fault divorce). Legal Helpmate provides a simple online divorce service for making your divorce process less expensive and stressful for you. It’s easy. You simply answer some basic questions that produce the proper legal documents necessary for your uncontested divorce. The divorce papers are tailored to reflect your income, your assets, your children, and the divorce law of your state. You receive these completed, ready-to-print legal documents of divorce online together with simple instructions on how and where to file for divorce. Our online divorce service always gives you the exact legal documents needed to obtain your uncontested divorce (either no-fault divorce or fault divorce) in your state. The turn-around time for receiving each completed legal document online may be immediately or it may be within 15 minutes, depending upon the divorce law of your state. Why should we lose the money and time applying for divorce, if there is the cheap and fast alternative - divorce online? You find the site, take your mouse, you press on the button - and you are a divorced person. With a minimum of formalities. In the virtual world of divorce, the couple that does not require court, after inputting all necessary data for divorce, merely prints the forms, signs them, and sends them to the judge. And that’s it. A Company like Legalhelpmate.com that supplies online documents for divorce disagrees with the opinion of opponents that cheap divorce can minimize the importance of divorce. The fact is, it just makes a bad situation better.

About the author:
Jeffrey Broobin is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life.
Website: http://www.legalhelpmate.com
Email: jeffreyb@legalhelpmate.com
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Marriage- Are You Facing Emotional Abuse?

Those who have control and power can inflict emotional abuse. It is as bad as physical abuse. Some people call emotional abuse as worse than physical abuse. Let us discuss about emotional abuse.

Emotional abuse may leave deep scars on the psyche. In emotional abuse the perpetrator withholds all the emotional satisfaction from the victim. The self-dignity of the victim is bruised repeatedly and he/she is shown as a lesser person. Emotional abuse can take many forms. Devaluing the person is one such abuse. Giving no value to a persons intelligence and opinion, and repeatedly questioning his/her intelligence is one such abuse.

Public humiliation of a person is another kind of this abuse. To make someone feel inferior and laugh at him/her and make others join the fun is another form of emotional abuse. Feeling of safety is our emotional need. to make a person feel unsafe is another way of victimization. Threatening to leave that person alone without any help and terrorizing him/her is one such form.

Taking away financial freedom, making the person totally dependent on the abuser is another common abuse. Lack of money can stop the victim from enjoying some pleasures. Some abusers even withdraw the use of communication instruments such as telephone etc from the victim.

Emotional abuse can take many other such forms. these abusers are sadists who enjoy degrading a human being and destroying their emotional freedom. This is a crime against humanity. If you are undergoing the slightest emotional; abuse, please protest and protect yourself.

About the Author:
The author C.D.Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas on love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for free desktop wallpapers on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, animals, etc. One more site recommended by the author has fun online games which surfers can play online.
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Children Coping With Their Parent's Divorce

Divorce rarely brings out the best in us. If anyone can get through one unscathed and can say that it was an easy divorce, that person should be nominated for sainthood. More often than not, adults who are going through a divorce will resort to self-absorbed, fearful and resentful behavior. Unfortunately, the ones who are hurt the most are the children caught in between.

Divorce can be very confusing for children. They often blame themselves and fear that their parents’ permanent separation means that they will lose their parents’ love. Seeking professional divorce support for your children can be a crucial step in helping them to better process all that is happening. This type of divorce help will provide them with a safe space where they can express their thoughts and feelings without fear or judgment.

Another good piece of divorce advice is for both you and your spouse to seek professional counseling as well. A mental health professional can help you to reduce any lasting psychological damage to your family members. Most importantly, a counselor can help the both of you to become more aware of your actions and be sensitive to the way those actions are affecting your children.

As you approach your divorce settlement, keep in mind that you have choices about how to handle challenging situations with your spouse. Anything the both of you can do to remaining courteous and civil through these most trying times will do a world of good for your children, today and in the long-term.

Nathan Dawson writes for http://www.lifeaftermarriage.com a great online source for finance information.

About the Author:
Nathan Dawson
Submitted on 2005-10-05
Article Source: http://www.ArticlesAlley.co/

Deciding To Divorce

The most intense, heart-wrenching decision comes at the start: Should you get divorced? Much has led up to this question, including the notions of separation and divorce. Up to now they have only been thoughts and words, with no immediate consequences. Now that you realize the time to decide has come, you have to contemplate action. The focus on action clarifies the situation, but also makes it seem more difficult and scary.

Any number of scenarios might lead to the end of a marriage. Sometimes there's no choice; it's your spouse who crosses the line. Often an affair ends a marriage. Other times physical abuse occurs, and the marriage becomes dangerous and intolerable. Circumstances like these leave little choice in the matter. A divorce becomes the only acceptable step.

But many divorces arise out of situations that are far less cut-and-dried. You may find that your marriage has grown dull. You look at your mate and realize that all the physical attraction you felt is gone. Or maybe the emptiness is in a different area. You might feel restricted, and even suffocated in everything you do. Your soul mate is no longer your soul mate. Your lives have grown apart. In situations like these others may still see your marriage as ideal, but deep down you feel it is all pain and misery. This may be one-sided. One partner may think everything is fine, while the other only wants out. Or you may be gasping for breath, and not even knowing it. If you come to the realization that your marriage is failing, should you get a divorce?

Before you take any steps you should contemplate where they might lead. Divorce is a painful, difficult choice. Ending a marriage is almost never easy, even when both sides agree that they no longer love each other. When one spouse still has deep feeling and the other doesn't, or when there is any sense of imbalance at all--whether it be emotional, financial, or professional--that can only make it worse. In most cases you are ending a long relationship. There was love here once, and intensity. You are considering cutting the cord with someone who was the most important person in your life.

The presence of children amplifies the problem. The younger the kids, the worse it can be. Most children cannot help but feel torn when parents separate.

Divorce is often a financial earthquake for both parties. The family home might be sold. Two households are set up, both having to accommodate the children. Unless both parties are rich, this will affect your family's standard of living.

Whether the problem is mental, spiritual, or a combination of factors, divorce is a step you should examine carefully. If there is no physical abuse in the picture, you may want to go to couple's counseling before making the final decision. Offer to go with your spouse to see a therapist. Put it in positive terms, and make it a wholehearted offer. If you don't think of it this way, counseling will have little chance of having any value. Your spouse may say no, but you will have tried.

If there is abuse, either physical or mental, couple's counseling is almost certainly not the right course. Spousal or child abuse should not be tolerated. If it happens you need to protect yourself. In such a case you should simply look for the quickest, safest way out. Appeal to friends and family or, if necessary, go to a shelter. Do whatever you must do to effectively separate yourself and your children from your spouse, then look for a lawyer.

Has your spouse cheated? For me this was the cause of my divorce. Some will be able to forgive their spouse and try to save the marriage. I was unable to accept my husband's affair and he quickly changed into a different person, both emotionally and physically, leaving me no choice but to file for divorce.

I know from my own experience, and from observation of many divorces, that your road ahead is long, frustrating, and probably ugly. The best scenario would be that you and your spouse begin by meeting with a mediator to agree on a fair settlement. If this route is possible it will save both of you thousands in legal fees. If you feel that your spouse will agree to an amicable divorce, this is the way to go.

About the Author:
Christina Rowe is the author of the new book "Seven Secrets To A Successful Divorce-What Every Woman Needs To Know". Find out the survival skills that will save you time, money and heartache during your divorce. For your free Secrets of Divorce newsletter go to http://www.divorcesurvivalskills.com
Submitted: 2006-09-26
Article Source: GoArticles

Stop Dirty Divorce Tricks From Being Played On You.

We all kind of laugh about dirty divorce tricks that you hear are played. It is always kinda funny when you are not the one the trick is played on.

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It still amazes me that this stuff happens. Here is a new one from the dirty trick file....Some people get mad at me for telling this story. I understand it is a controversial example but it will really show how far someone will go to get their ex-spouse so hang in and learn from it.
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Ex husband knows that his wife is kinda gullible. He is tired of paying her child support and they seem to fight over the issue. She honestly spends all of the child support money, and more, on the children.

Husband knows that one of ex-wife's friends sells pot. He should know this "friend" used to sell the couple pot when they were together. Whether right or wrong the couple did it together when married.

Husband plays all nice with ex-wife for a short period. Ex wife is starting to believe that ex-husband is going to really help out in the raising of kids. They are even becoming friends again....You know where this is going.

Ex-husband asks ex-wife to see if the friend will sell him some pot. They set up a buy at the ex-wife's house. Now the ex-wife thinks nothing is wrong because they are friends again and it is like the old times.

On the night of the buy ex-husband comes in sits down and the buy goes down....Needless to say he is wearing a wire. He had talked to the police and had told them how bad his ex-wife was, that she was subjecting the kids to drug abuse and drug trafficking and that he would help them stop her.

Police come in and arrest her and the "friend" and who gets custody of the kids while the gullible ex-wife has to answer to the drug charge...you got it the ex-husband.

Now, you may say to yourself I don't do drugs...Now ask yourself is there some other things that your ex-spouse could exploit?

To get free information on how to prevent "Dirty Divorce Tricks" and end your divorce
quickly outside of the court system go to http://www.stopdirtydivorce.com

---------------------------
Anthony Comparetto
America's Divorce Coach
www.stopdirtydivorce.com
---------------------------

About the author:
Anthony J. Comparetto is a divorced father and attorney. He is a nationally known author and lecturer who has developed the "Stop Dirty Divorce" system.
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Divorce Fuelling Debt Crisis

The high divorce rate of recent in Britain is a major factor leading to ever increasing levels of debt, a new report claimed recently.

Debt Free Direct has claimed that the break down of marriages is a significant factor behind people's financial problems, which suggests that many are forced to take out a debt consolidation loan following the completion of a divorce procedure.

The debt advisory agency has reported that those who are divorced are a third more likely to be declared bankrupt. Of those divorcees, women are running the highest risk.

Females are 14 per cent more likely to face financial ruin and are 26 per cent less likely to qualify for an individual voluntary arrangement, which can prevent bankruptcy.

Heavy debts that are incurred by an ex partner are a major cause of financial problems, even after a divorce, with Debt Free Direct finding that an ex's excessive debts are an underlying factor in almost three in ten bankruptcies in the UK.

Typically, people in a relationship will take on debts in joint names with their partner, never believing that the relationship will end. But when it does the effect of divorce or separation can seriously heighten the impact of the debt problem, spokesman Derek Oakley explained.

Mr Oakley advised married or divorcing couples to take steps to protect themselves from the poor finances of their partner.

For example, he said, even after divorce, many couples still hold credit cards and / or store cards in joint names.

After separation it is important to advise the credit card company to terminate the joint card. If you do not do this, you could well be pursued for payments on debts that your ex partner has run up.

The report contradicts previous assumptions that debt levels are exacerbated by a growing consumerist culture and relaxed attitude towards credit.

© Adfero Ltd

About the Author:
Tml-mortgages
TML offer bad debt mortgages and remortgages to UK residents with poor credit.
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Do You Need to Divorce a Friend?

During the course of our lives we meet thousands of people. Some just pass by, some stay for a little while and some stay for a long time. No encounter lacks meaning. In any case, everyone comes to teach us something or to learn something. We can call them friends.

Friends are a lot of fun. We learn to have a grand time and treat them with intimacy. We share experiences and we grow from the relationship. They touch our souls.

Though many friends come and go throughout our lives, some of them remain close to us for a long time. From those, we find one or two that are truly our soul mates, even though we remain basically different in our core.

Friends are accepting; they make us feel comfortable. Friends are sincere: they will tell us when we are getting out of line. Friends are our angels in physical from: they see the big picture and give us objective advice. Friends care for us, root for us, support us, and share our history.

Friends are our lovers in the true sense of the word. Love is deep, touching, trusting, and all forgiving. Because there is true love and no sex is involved in the relationship, friendships are free from negative emotions. You probably have noticed that sex is a major disruptor in many a relationship.

Friendships are very freeing. And fun!

Sometimes, though, you realize that your friend is subtly and slowly but surely distancing from you. You realize there is a change. What used to be a reciprocal relationship has become a one way street. You feel like each time you throw a boomerang it doesn’t come back. It gets lost somewhere. You feel you are giving but not receiving.

Sometimes people go through stages and yes, if a friend becomes estranged you must give them space. You give space and maintain your communication channels open. Eventually, they come back. However, sometimes the space becomes a vacuum and sooner or later you realized that the void cannot be filled.

It is time to get a divorce.

Divorcing friends, like divorcing mates can be truly traumatic and devastating. However, in this case, the love never dies. A true friend will never betray will and consequently, there will never be a need to transform the person into an enemy, as it so often happens with couples.

How do you divorce your friend who has been a great part of your history for so long? Here are my suggestions:

1. Make a list of the things you truly appreciate about the person.

2. Make a list of all that you have noticed that has been happening between the two of you.

3. Write down a list of reasons for the separation.

4. Speak with your friend and present your list.

5. Announce your decision to get a "divorce."

6. Tell them how much their friendship has meant to you.

7. Apologize for anything that you have done that may have insulted or hurt them.

8. Give them the chance to apologize, if needed.

9. Part your ways and never burn bridges.

10. Remember to experience the loss of a great relationship.

11. Mourn.

12. Live your life as best as you can. You will be all right.

13. When a time comes and an occasion demands, get in touch again.

14. Be interested, listen to the person, and then let them go.

15. Again, and again, and again.

You will feel liberated.

© Maria Moratto 2006

About the Author:
Dr. Maria Moratto is the author of "The Inspired Healing For Your Body, Mind, and Soul," "The Inspired Healing Journal: Mending Your Broken Heart," and "Attract Money Journal." Visit her site to get fr*ee affirmation cards.
Want to have more abundance, health, time, love, fun, and blessings? Visit Prescription For Bliss at www.rx4bliss.com, sign up for the newsletter and receive a fr*ee ebook called "Happy People Are More Abundant!"
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Article Submitted On: October 01, 2006
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/

How To Prevent Divorce

The failure of marriage may be the cause of inconsistency among couples in communicating and interacting with one another both physically and emotionally. Couples tend to hate each other when they do not compromise each other’s mistakes. This often leads to unhappy marriages and even result to divorce.

Adultery is one reason why a marriage can lead to a divorce. Records show that the involvement of the spouse in an adulterous affair could trigger the separation and the spouse has the legal chance to file for divorce cases. Some people may think that adultery has little impact on divorce. Some believe that it is a symptom for a divorce. Adultery is an act of abuse, damaging both the emotional and physical aspect of the relationship.

The crud could be one reason why a couple resorts to divorce. There are times that even when the couple lives together, both could no longer feel the presence of each other in terms of the emotional aspect of their relationship. The lack of love and affection triggers a couple in grueling conflicts and physical abuse, which leads to divorce. Here are some tips on how husbands and wives can prevent divorce.

1. A couple must deal on all conflicting issues. It could be better for a couple to talk about their problems and be open to one another’s opinion. In this way, the couple may find ways on how they will resolve the problem.

2. Make some value on mutual interests. Couples who want to prevent divorce may find ways to have some moments where they can spend time and evaluate their emotions. They should make some effort to make it up for some lost time together.

3. A person always has the option to choose the person that could be right for him. It could be better if the person has the same perspectives and beliefs. This could lessen any irreconcilable differences that would lead to divorce.

4. Make the relationship work as the best of friends instead of just being partners. If there is friendship established within the marriage, there is a strong indication that the marriage can get stronger and even last forever.

5. Learn how to accept any disappointments and failures in the relationship. It can sometimes help when the couple knows all their limitations and imperfections in the marriage. Expressing anger is only normal but they need to make sure that it would only take a little time to release that kind of emotion.

6. It is important to take care of ones physical appearance. Staying beautiful and handsome can spice up the relationship most of the time. However, couples should stay healthy even when there is dieting involved in maintaining a perfect body.

7. Couples should be faithful and honest to one another. To make a long lasting marriage there must be fidelity and honesty in the relationship. They should not tell lies and should be courageous enough n bringing up any problems that may arise.

Always remember that couples are bound together because of love. Divorce may be prevented if couples will always put in mind that their marriage will last long enough and live up to the expectations that they promised to one another when the they exchanged vows. Those who do not agree on divorce are couples who believe that staying together gives them enough reason that marriage is very important as a family.

About the Author:
Robert Thatcher is a freelance publisher based in Cupertino, California. He publishes articles and reports in various ezines and provides diabetes resources on www.all-about-divorces.info.
Article Source: www.iSnare.com

Divorce Records - Learning from Separation

Divorce records are documentation following divorce proceedings, which normally include the name of the husband and wife, date of the marriage and the date of the divorce. Other information that may also be included in divorce documents are the date of birth of both the spouses, the addresses of the spouses and the names and ages of their children. The reason for the divorce and the property they both own can also be seen in divorce documents.

People obtain divorce records primarily for genealogical purposes, such as tracing family history and determining how property was divided between spouses and later on transferred to the children. Another reason why people access divorce documents is to determine if someone is legally divorced.

Divorce Records - Are You Ready to Know What You May Find Out?

Many say that divorce records can serve as a good measure of the character of an individual especially since these records indicate the final divorce decree and the circumstances surrounding the situation. If there are any issues of domestic violence or child abuse, these will be clearly stated in the divorce documents. Likewise, if there were any disputes regarding properties between the spouses, restraining orders and any other settlement issues, these will also be seen in the divorce records.

Where to Get Divorce Records

Since divorces are settled in court, divorce documents are obtained through the county court in which the proceedings took place. At the same time, divorce documents are also kept on the state level, which serves as a central repository for all the divorce records from each county.

At this time, not all counties and states have digitized their divorce documents and due to limited manpower and resources, it often takes about two to nine business days or as long as three weeks before requests are processed. With this process, requests have to be placed either in person or by mail before the divorce records are released.

Once divorce documents are online, the processing time will become more efficient, allowing anyone to view these public records as long as they have Internet access. Another advantage of conducting a search for divorce records online is that even with minimal information you will be able to obtain a lead for the full data on the divorce. For instance, you can use a current and ex spouse search beforehand to identify the names and addresses of the spouses which will in turn, bring you to the correct county in which you can request for the divorce documents.

There are two kinds of divorce records that you can request for - certified and uncertified copies. Uncertified copies are primarily used for research purposes only and cannot be submitted as legal document, such as for remarriage. A certified copy, on the other hand, will bear the seal and signature of the registrar and will only be issued to parties involved in the divorce or someone who was authorized by one of the involved parties to request for a copy. In special cases, divorce documents can be granted to an individual who can show that he or she needs a copy of these records to protect a personal right.

About the Author:
Want to Know the Top Sites to Find Divorce Records? Read Dr. Amit Mehta's Unbiased Reviews ==> RecordsSiteReviews.com
Submitted: 2006-10-13
Article Source: GoArticles

Romance And Prenuptial Agreements - Protect Yourself

A legal agreement in anticipation of marriage between future spouses is a prenuptial agreement. It is a legal contract that breaks down how assets will be distributed in the event of divorce or death. These documents have been around for thousands of years and are mentioned in ancient records from biblical times. Popular in the Far East and in European cultures when wealthy families protected their wealth that was build over many years. Today prenuptial agreements are used by all levels of culture and wealth to protect oneself, and are designed to protect what they have worked to achieve. So it is becoming more and more common as divorce is at about 50 percent. One of the reasons prenuptial agreements are becoming so popular is people are becoming more enlightened and they don’t want the courts to decide according to state law, but to their person desires and financial needs. If there are children in you life you will need to protect them, if you anticipate marriage and there are substantial finances involved. Of course if you have nothing, but are marrying into a wealthy family, you don’t want to be in a position where after years of marriage you are left with nothing, which happened more in the past but still continues, if you do not protect yourself. It is not romantic, but a prenuptial agreement can make you feel more loved in the long run, if you are considered with generosity. So you don’t have to worry, what would happen to you if your mate dies or a divorce happens. One of the problems with prenuptial agreements if you are the one with the financial resources is bringing it up, to your possible spouse. It is a very touchy situation, but only a fool with considerable resources would marry without one. It could kill the romance and could end the relationship. But if it does, you are better off and have only lost a possible gold digger. You must weigh your words carefully and if your possible spouse really loves you they will understand. A friend of mine anticipating marriage popped the information to his girlfriend and explained he believed they would be together forever, but in case he was wrong he must protect himself, and if he was right and they spent their life together, she would get it all in the end. It is an insurance policy to help reduce problems that could arise if things don’t work out. She signed a generous prenuptial agreement, which increased in its generosity over the years, if they stayed together.

About the author:
Jeffrey Broobin is a free-lance writer on family and finance issues; his main goal is to help people during their complicated period of life.
Website: http://www.legalhelpmate.com
Email: jeffreyb@legalhelpmate.com
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Love Quiz- Will You Break-Up Soon?

Love and break-up are two sides of the same coin. It is invariably break-up after love. For most of us it seems inevitable now a days. The question is only of time. Some couples break-up after many years, while some break-up after few months. What about you? Are you nearing a break-up? Quiz yourself and find out if your relationship of love is on brink now. Quiz and find out if the symptoms are already appearing?

How to find out if the break-up is due anytime now? Earlier you enjoyed being with your partner. Is it the same now, or you want to have more of personal space and want to be more with your friends? Quiz your buying habits for your partner. Earlier you gave lot of thought and money was not the only consideration to buy anything for your partner. Are you calculating money now a days? Do you let some occasion go without making a present? Quiz yourself about your talking habits. Earlier you never uttered a word that could hurt your partner. What about now? Are you as careful in selecting your words?

These are small indicators that will tell you the subtle changes that are taking place in your relationship. Watch for these changes and find out if you are sliding down towards an inevitable break-up?

Quiz yourself about your love, your care, your relationships and your desire for each other. Small quizzes will give you hints about large changes. Quiz is a great tool to find out about your life.

About the Author:
The author, C.D.Mohatta writes fun quizzes on topics like love, personality, dating, relationships, friendship, etc. The author writes for free ecards on holidays, birthday, love, friendship, family and all events and occasions. One more site recommended by the author has free online games which surfers can play online.
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